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Talk:Dangerous (Michael Jackson song)/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Cavie78 (talk) 10:05, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): (MoS):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): (citations to reliable sources): (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): N/A - no images used (appropriate use with suitable captions): N/A - no images used
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Article is quite short but seems reasonably good nevertheless. I have a few concerns, particularly with the prose, which I have detailed below. I am placing the article on hold until these issues are addressed. Cavie78 (talk) 14:01, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Lead
  1. Although R&B is linked in the infobox I think it should be linked in the first sentence as well.
 Done 10:23, 14 April 2010 (UTC)
  1. "eighth solo studio album of the same name" seems a bit clunky and confusing. How would you feel about removing "eighth" (Personally I think the information is a bit superfluous as the article is about the song not the album)
 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 21:56, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. "These plans were canceled, after allegations of child sexual abuse were made against Jackson in August 1993 and due to the album's previous singles' poor ability to top the charts." Consider revising to "These plans were canceled due to allegations of child sexual abuse which were made against Jackson in August 1993, and the failure of previous single, "Gone Too Soon", to top the charts."
 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 17:35, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Jackson's health is mentioned as another reason for the cancellation of the single's release but this is not discussed in the lead.
 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 15:22, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. "Prior to the planned release of the song, "Dangerous" had received positive reviews from contemporary critics who were reviewing the Dangerous album." Consider revising to something along the lines of ""Dangerous" received a positive reaction from contemporary critics in reviews of the track's parent album."
 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 17:35, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. ""Dangerous" by Crystal Cartier; the judge ruled in favor of Jackson and, due to lack of evidence, Cartier was refused the right to appeal her case." - Doesn't really make sense, can you expand?
 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 15:22, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Background
  1. ""Streetwalker" would appear as a bonus track on the 2001 expanded edition of that record" This sentence feels a bit stubby and out of place.
 Fixed Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 21:55, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. "During recording sessions for the Dangerous album of 1991" Would be better to give the date of recording sessions rather than the album's release date if you can.
 Done 10:29, 14 April 2010 (UTC)
  1. I've merged the first and second paragraphs to bring together information about the demos and moved the key signature etc. stuff to the end of that paragraph - hope that's ok with you, I think it reads much better.
Thanks, Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 10:29, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. ""Dangerous" is played in the key of D Minor. Jackson's vocal range is from A3 to A4." Consider merging these sentences. Also key should be linked to Key (music) and you should link to one or both of Scientific pitch notation and Vocal range
 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 21:55, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Crystal Cartier paragraph. Did the song she claimed Jackson stole have a name or was it also called "Dangerous"? Could you maybe start the paragraph with "In 1994..." and start the second sentence "At a court hearing"? At present it sounds like Cartier only accused Jackson of plagiarism in court whereas she obviously would have had to file a case for it to get that far.
 Fixed Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 15:22, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Planned release as a single and critical analysis
  1. "with his worldwide concert tour, entitled, Dangerous World Tour." Could you revise this sentence to something like "with a worldwide concert tour." ?
 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 21:55, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Wikipedia advises against the use of terms such as "fall" as they mean different times of year in different parts of the world - do you have specific dates?
 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 21:55, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. "An alternative version and a remix entitled, "Roger's Rough Dub", were both to be included on the first acetate version of the expanded edition of Dangerous–the bonus disc was later canceled." Can you explain this further? What is a "first acetate version"?
 Fixed 10:25, 14 April 2010 (UTC)
  • Personnel
  1. It's been a while since I heard the track but the credits suggest the only instruments used are synthesisers? Is this correct?
 Fixed Crystal Clear x3 21:38, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. The order seems a bit odd with credits for mixing appearing before Jackson's credit as vocalist.
 Fixed Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 21:55, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Consider linking to Audio mixing (recorded music)
 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 21:55, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • General
  1. I notice that you've removed the "live performances" section from the article. Can you really not find adequate sources? I wouldn't have thought it hard to find live reviews for Jackson given that he was one of the best selling artists in history. Has anyone notable covered the song?
Currently, no one notable has covered the song and I removed the live performance section being I could not find any reliable sources to back-up the information, which led me to believe that all of the information was bs, hence it's removal. Crystal Clear x3 15:10, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. The song appears in the 'Michael Jackson singles' box under "Notable collaborations and album tracks" - is it the fact that the track was a planned single/the Cartier court case that makes it notable or is there something else?
"Dangerous" is included in the "Notable collaborations and album tracks" section because it was a planned single as well as the plagiarism accusation. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 16:12, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Teddy Riley is credited as one of the track's writers but there is no mention of him in the 'Background' section - any idea what he contributed?
 Done Crystal Clear x3 12:23, 16 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry it's taken me so long to start correcting some of the problems with the article, I would very much appreciate if you could leave the article on-hold for one or two more days. Thanks, Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 10:34, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

No problem, take your time. Cavie78 (talk) 11:52, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Oh, and could you reword "...music critics. Music critic..." in the 'Planned release as a single and critical analysis' to avoid repetition?
 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 15:10, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Everything looks good now - just need clarification about synthesisers being the only intrsuments used on the track (first point in the 'Personnel' section above) then I'll be happy to promote. Cavie78 (talk) 15:21, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Crystal Clear x3 21:38, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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