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GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 07:17, 29 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]


Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()
3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

I will review this like I suggested previously but as the article is massive at 133,792 bytes, the review will come in stages and may take up to a week. --K. Peake 07:17, 29 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead[edit]

>>Venue parameter and extraneous categories from infobox that were not properly referenced have been removed, please check Onan808 (talk) 20:56, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
>>>K. Peake If I'm looking for some way to list Sodermalm, Stockholm in the infobox, does it have to be in a more official capacity than this exact quote for reference from The Globe and Mail?

"Patrik Berger, a 38-year-old who has spent his entire life messing around with sound, has other ideas. His studio is in a little house, not much bigger than a shack, in a hidden courtyard off a main drag on the Stockholm island of Sodermalm. There, he brings me over to a Korg Mono/Poly synthesizer along the red-velvet wall of the back room, and starts fiddling with a knob: It was this synth, in this room, that helped him shape the iconic, throbbing bass backbone to Robyn's Grammy-nominated 2010 single Dancing On My Own. The song put him in the spotlight as an in-demand songwriter and producer. "It was one of those songs where people came up to me, talking about how much it mattered," he says." https://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/music/how-stockholm-became-a-dominant-force-in-global-popmusic/article37541953/ Onan808 (talk) 00:17, 12 February 2021 (UTC)

>>>Onan808 No, as it does not name the studio. --K. Peake 06:49, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Got it. YesY Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
>hlist format has been updated, please check it's been properly input Onan808 (talk) 21:00, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
>>Opening paragraph sentence order updated Onan808 (talk) 21:10, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
>>Opening paragraph order and context revamped again Onan808 (talk) 00:35, 25 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
>>Wikilink taken off of year as mentioned further below, clears up prior confusion on "excessive hyperlinking" on song's inspiration from Ultravox, etc. Wikilinks added back to artists names and songs but no longer including years released in each link. If this is not what you meant please clarify so I can reverse Onan808 (talk) 21:10, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Updated, I think to what you're looking for. Can the lead single mention be included or not? Onan808 (talk) 01:18, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
No, I have already stated this. Probably change "released first" to "released as the lead single" or something like that. --K. Peake 07:55, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Done, please check formatting Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Which version was released as lead now addressed in sentence that's not the lead, please clarify if needing further correction YesY Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • With the genres and ballad info being moved, merge that with the sentence about what the song depicts and form a separate sentence from the one about inspiration (altered) YesY Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The music video shows" → "An accompanying music video was released on May 21, 2010, which shows" with the wikilink YesY
I was referring to when you were targeting to the articles from the series names and their release years. --K. Peake 07:55, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Updated, see above Onan808 (talk) 21:31, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Does this not count because it's referencing the Radio 1 tweet? Should I link the tweet instead? https://www.bbc.com/news/newsbeat-52817969 Onan808 (talk) 02:00, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
No, you can use the BBC News citation in the article and add the full quote. --K. Peake 07:55, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Original quote stays, reference added, please note if more is needed Onan808 (talk) 22:19, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Going to assume as I haven't gotten through to Kyle conclusion on this edit page that we'll be waiting until the resubmission of the entire article for the assessment on this concluding para re: Calum. Just putting this response on the record now to note its been seen. Onan808 (talk) 22:19, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Inspiration[edit]

Heavy revamp of entire section to heavily condense quotes, move around segments and improve MOS:QUOTE issues- much of below prior edit instruction likely no longer relevant Onan808 (talk) 00:29, 25 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

  • Retitle to Background and inspiration >> Two sections combined and background moved to Body Talk Pt. 1, keeping title?
Keeping current Inspiration title unless you'd like reverted Onan808 (talk) 00:02, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • None of the first sentence is backed up by [1]; are you sure you haven't linked to the wrong page of the article? >>Deleted
  • Target indie to Independent music >>Deleted, see above
  • Target synthpop to Synth-pop >>Deleted, see above
  • "Robyn in Sweden" → "studio album Robyn across Sweden" >>Deleted, see above
  • "and toured the record" → "and toured for the album" >>Deleted
  • Target singles to Single (music) >>Deleted
  • "she recounted her" → "the singer recounted her" >>Deleted
  • "The Kick Inside, Janet Jackson's" → "The Kick Inside and Janet Jackson's" >>Deleted
  • The Klas Åhlund part is not mentioned by [5] and the ref says they had been together for nearly six years not eight
>>Correct ref. added, date of dating added Onan808 (talk) 22:35, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Correct wikilink fixed YesY Onan808 (talk) 22:35, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "broken heart," she" → "broken heart", she" YesY
  • Target people watching to People-watching YesY
  • Add a comma after Stockholm YesY
  • Are you sure the club names should be in single speech marks? >>There's the clubs, then the club nights they host which are in the single speech marks. If you think they should be double let me know. Also let me know about italics on club names
Club names no longer italicized, club nights titles at said clubs put in single speech marks instead. Please clarify if incorrect Onan808 (talk) 22:35, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "respectively (among others)." → "respectively, among others." YesY
  • "she loved, including" → "Robyn loved, including" YesY
  • Add release years of the songs mentioned in brackets >>Added but again not sure if added correctly, please review otherwise
>>What's the general rule? Not the artist but the song? Vice versa? So just include the years for the songs and don't wikilink to any of those listed? Will get rid of those and the rest in that list. Where else should that be applied to in the article? Onan808 (talk) 02:45, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Onan808 To be more specific, I was referring to targeting here I guess even though I put wikilink; you should have wikilinked the artists and the songs, but the release years should be kept while not targeted to the songs themselves. --K. Peake 07:55, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Clarified and corrected per opening paragraph Onan808 (talk) 22:29, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the song's narrative: "that god-awful" → "the song's narrative of "the god-awful" >>updated reference now is correct in referring to "that god-awful" YesY
  • "at the club."" → "at a club"." per MOS:QUOTE and that is what the actual quote says; invoke [18] here like you should already have done
  • The quote, unless the new one says otherwise, said "a club" not "the club", plus the MOS means punctuation being inside quotation marks when it's not a full sentence. --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC) YesY[reply]
  • "she noticed that "something was changing, especially in America...dance is the" → "she noticed that "something is changing", especially in America, saying dance is "the" with the target, to accurately quote the source YesY
  • The "many in her generation" part is not mentioned by [12] and the rest says "to feel a part of something bigger than yourself". >>updated reference to accurately reflect quote
  • The quote from [12] is out of order; the two sentences after the first one come before it in the actual text, probably use [...] after sentence one to fix this issue >>see above
Not sure if you're still referring to reference [12] and surrounding material to fix Onan808 (talk) 04:14, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
I was referring to when you had like five refs at the end of one sentence. --K. Peake 07:55, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Onan808 I have made further comments below. --K. Peake 11:39, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Creation[edit]

  • None of the first para is sourced by [17], even Seinabo Sey's part
"red velvet" is from The Globe and Mail reference at the end of the blockquote. Seinabo reference from first Billboard article is now updated. First para is from last two references listed at end of entire section - second para also includes quotes from the same articles (2nd article at Billboard, not the Seinabo Sey one) and BBC. Do you want both repeated for each paragraph? Onan808 (talk) 01:14, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "by approximately December," → "by approximately December 2009,"
Re-tooled entire opener on this, same question on references as above applies. Onan808 (talk) 00:39, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Release[edit]

>>Completely retooled this to move sections from this and put them elsewhere in article as they weren't as relevant to the topic at hand. What remained I felt was too short to justify having its own section so I've condensed it with the music video section but if you think it still should have its own/be expanded/etc. let me know.Onan808 (talk) 16:21, 28 February 2021 (UTC) Entire section removed: Parts deleted or moved to different sections where more relevant. Onan808 (talk) 00:08, 1 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Re: below remaining portion of section - putting these comments here for the record for other users.: Multiple dead links on release history, formats, and countries, but especially when the track was put to radio adds in the U.S. which numerous searches I have come up empty on - a lot of dead links given the time that's elapsed and no archiving of pages from when this article was first created. I have deleted all mention of the above including the entire release format section later in this article to save space and because references of when they were first released on each specific format should suffice unless an editor/mod feels otherwise. Onan808 (talk) 16:01, 28 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Production[edit]

Final comments and verdict[edit]

  • I still have a lot of sections to go over, but I am putting this article  On hold per the nominator's request, until they wish for me to continue the review. --K. Peake 18:47, 4 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Onan808 Sorry, but I am going to have to ✗ Fail this article. The reason is because it is simply too far from meeting the GA criteria despite being so large; I would be willing to leave onhold for a while with an article being this in depth so you could go over the many large sections in a good amount of time, but the amount of original research here is simply too much. This is not just an initial issue; I noticed this when reviewing all of the first four sections, plus the article contains unreliable sources like 19, 26, 89 and 90. Take a look at WP:RSPYT to understand that videos from unverified accounts on the platform are considered unreliable, also despite the failure I will congratulate you on expanding this article heavily and I hope you can improve the prominent issues even though it will take quite a while. --K. Peake 15:04, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
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