Talk:Cyclone Anne/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 03:23, 28 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"Severe Tropical Cyclone Anne was one of the most intense and damaging tropical cyclones within the South Pacific basin during the 1980s" - source?
- It was derived from the Vanuatu TC report and TCR but im not sure where i got the damaging part from.Jason Rees (talk) 13:39, 30 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - But that's not cited in the article. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 19:44, 14 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    - This still hasn't been addressed. The MWL only says that the storm was among the "most intense cyclones in recent years". Doesn't specify the decade, doesn't specify the basin either. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:22, 24 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      - Your picking at straws here as it has been addressed because the basin that Nadi officially monitors is the SPAC between 160E and 120W and no other. Also the report was written during the 1980s, which would make it obvious that it is one of the most intense TC's during the 1980s.Jason Rees (talk) 13:22, 24 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
        But "recent years" is ambiguous. I guess I'll let it slide, since it does say "one of the..." (meaning Cyclone Hina. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:55, 24 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"The cyclone was first noted on January 5, 1988 as weak tropical depression to the northeast of Tuvalu, in conjunction with what was to become Typhoon Roy within the North-Western Pacific basin." - first, missing "a" after "as", and I'd say "tandem" instead of "conjunction", personally.
- I prefer conjunction since tandem makes me think of a bike.Jason Rees (talk) 13:39, 30 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"after it had become a tropical cyclone" - I'd link, or specify here, what "tropical cyclone" means. Maybe make it a note, saying that "tropical cyclone" is a cyclone with winds of X mph (forget what it is) in all quadrants.
- Ive linked it but if i were to make it a note i would plonk the fact that gale force winds had to be estimated to be fully around the cyclone since that is what a TC was in this region at that time.Jason Rees (talk) 13:39, 30 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- I think you should make that note then. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 19:44, 14 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- I don't think it matters here now that is linked. YE ^Pacific ^Hurricane 19:53, 23 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - It does though. In this basin, a "tropical cyclone" has a distinct term that deserves to be linked properly. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:22, 24 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    - At the minute id rather not put a note in as im not sure how id cite it and prove that it was applied at around this time..Jason Rees (talk) 00:50, 26 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"before it became the fourth major tropical cyclone to affect Vanuatu, within four years on January 10" - why the comma?
- Removed.Jason Rees (talk) 13:39, 30 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"for severe and/or extensive damage" - the "and/or" seems inappropriate, IMO.
- I think its worth putting in since damage doesn't have to be severe to be extensive.Jason Rees (talk) 13:39, 30 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - I mean the and/or seems rather vernacular for encyclopedia writing. Why not just pick one or the other? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 19:44, 14 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    - Because its OR to go with anything else.Jason Rees (talk) 11:43, 15 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      - I did not change it, I do not know what to do here. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 19:53, 23 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Within Temotu Province there was no official quantitative damage assessment and prompt relief measures, were not carried out due to the lack of boats or aircraft and the remoteness of the islands." - the misplaced comma notwithstanding, this seems like it should be two separate sentences (although, the second bit seems too trivial to be in the lede).
- Are you going to do this? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 19:44, 14 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - I cut back on this slightly. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane
"with severe damage recorded on the islands of Ureparapara and the Torres Islands, while extensive damage was recorded on the islands of Vanua Lava and Gaua" - what's the difference between extensive and severe damage?
- Ive always thought extensive damage is spread out but it doesnt have to be spread out.Jason Rees (talk) 13:39, 30 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
" the Fiji Meteorological Service's Nadi Tropical Cyclone Warning Center" - that's a bit much to read right off the bat of the MH. Why not say just "the Fiji Meteorological Service"? Put a note in if you want to indicate that it's a TCWC. For AHS articles, I only put in "NHC" (sometimes forgetting to explain the acronym).
- I prefer to do it the way ive done it - does it really matter?.Jason Rees (talk) 13:39, 30 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - I'll let this slide for now, but it appears there is a rough consensus on the project talk page to prefer FMS. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 19:44, 14 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    - I take this back. Based on the consensus on the project talk page (four people agreed, no one except for you wanted to use FMS), I think we should start using FMS. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:22, 24 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      - I think editors should be allowed to decide what they would like to do rather than be dictated too.Jason Rees (talk) 13:22, 24 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"as it was steered towards the south — southwest" - south-southwest? It doesn't need the endash or space. Ditto later with "north — northwest".
- Sorted.Jason Rees (talk) 22:04, 30 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"During that day clouds associated with the cyclone started to organize further before TCWC Nadi reported early on January 8, that the system had developed into a tropical cyclone and named it Anne, while it was equivalent to a modern day category 2 tropical cyclone on the Australian tropical cyclone intensity scale" - way too long. I'd say "Organizing further, TCWC Nadi upgraded the cyclone to a tropical cyclone and named it Anne, which is the equivalent..."
- Reworked.Jason Rees (talk) 22:04, 30 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - Still a bit long. Could you rework it some more. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 19:44, 14 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - I did. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 19:53, 23 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"to move south-westwards " - drop the s
- Done.Jason Rees (talk) 22:04, 30 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - Make sure you do the same for "south-southeastwards". --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 19:44, 14 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    - I did in the instances that I saw. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 19:53, 23 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"the cyclone's forward speed increased before it started to rapidly intensify" - this implies that the forward speed rapidly intensified
- Reworked.Jason Rees (talk) 22:04, 30 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Later that day, TCWC Nadi reported that the system had become equivalent to a category 3 severe tropical cyclone on the Australian Scale, before at around 00:00 UTC the next day, Anne passed through Temotu Province and passed about 55 km (35 mi) to the northwest of Anuta Island" - split into two sentences.
- Are you going to do this? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 19:44, 14 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Reworked.Jason Rees (talk) 14:13, 20 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Fortunately for the rest of Vanuatu" - don't used biased language like this.
- Reworked.Jason Rees (talk) 22:04, 30 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Be consistent how you address UTC. You do "0600 UTC" and you also do "00:00 UTC"
- Ive switched it to 00:00 UTC to be consistent throughout the article and with the MOS.Jason Rees (talk) 20:09, 30 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Later that day at 0600 UTC, TCWC Port Moresby reported that Tropical Cyclone Agi had developed near the Louisiade Archipelago about 1,200 km (750 mi) to the northwest of Cyclone Anne which subsequently turned and started to move towards the south towards New Caledonia" - add a comma somewhere.
- Added.Jason Rees (talk) 22:04, 30 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - Still pretty long. Any chance you can trim a bit? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 19:44, 14 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    - I cut it somewhat. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 19:53, 23 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"windshear" - two words
- fixed.Jason Rees (talk) 20:09, 30 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Late on January 12, TCWC Nadi reported that Anne had weakened into a modern day category 2 tropical cyclone" - this is a general piece of criticism for the article, but you don't have to say "TCWC Nadi reported" every time. Since they are the official warning agency, you can just say "Anne weakened into a modern..."
- Are you going to do this? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 19:44, 14 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - I did. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 19:53, 23 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"After the cyclone had re-emerged into the Coral Sea, the JTWC reported that Anne had weakened further and had become equivalent to a tropical storm as the system moved southwards." - few things. The storm had already turned to the south at this point (you already said it), and "become equivalent snore..." I'd switch to say "the JTWC downgraded Anne to a tropical storm."
"towards the "relatively deeper" Anne" - why not say stronger, so you can remove the quotes?
- Im not sure it was stronger by much - the word relatively sets alarm bells off in my mind.Jason Rees (talk) 22:04, 30 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Cyclone Anne affected and caused damage" - obviously if it caused damage, it affected, so I'd get rid of "affected"
- JR did this. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 19:53, 23 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Three paragraphs in a row in "Preparations and impact" start with "Cyclone Anne". Please change at least one of them. (also, the first two start with "Cyclone Anne affected")
- Removed one. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 19:53, 23 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Cyclone Anne affected the Solomon Island province of Temotu between January 9–10, with 10-minute sustained windspeeds of up to 150 km/h (95 mph)" - was 150 km/h its intensity or how strong the winds were there?
- I did not write this article, so I am not sure. YE ^Pacific ^Hurricane 19:53, 23 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - User:Jason Rees? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:22, 24 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    - Both - its how strong the winds were while it was passing near the islands.Jason Rees (talk) 13:22, 24 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"However the cyclones center" - make it singular
- Done. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 19:53, 23 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"with the smaller islands, fortunate to escape the destructive hurricane force winds" - comma?
- Reworded. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 19:53, 23 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"As Anne was moved through the islands" - rm "was"
- Fixed and reworded to province.Jason Rees (talk) 20:09, 30 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"There were no reports of any casualties" - not sure what this is in reference to (since it contradicts another part), but we generally don't indicate when something doesn't happen. The storm also didn't gain sentience and create a Wikipedia account.
- We do mention that there were no casualties when the sources dont indicate that there were no deaths but that there were no casualties.Jason Rees (talk) 11:39, 15 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - Removed. I strongly agree with Hink here. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 19:53, 23 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"There was no official quantitative assessment and prompt relief measures were not carried out due to the lack of boats or aircraft and the remoteness of the islands" - I get what you're saying, but it could really be written/organized better.
"after Severe Tropical Cyclone's Eric, Nigel and Uma had all affected the island nation" - get rid of everything after Uma.
- Done.Jason Rees (talk) 11:39, 15 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"and came to within 65 km" - get rid of "to"
- Done.Jason Rees (talk) 11:39, 15 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Within Vanuatu there were no reports of any casualties or fatalities while wind gusts of up to 225 km/h (140 mph), torrential rains, flooding and storm surge caused damage to houses, crops, and property while triggering a landslide on the island of Epi" - again, cut the mention of casualties. The rest is decent, but could perhaps be re-organized.
- Re-worked. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 19:53, 23 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"The hardest hit area was the Torba Province" - don't think "the" is needed before Torba.
- Ehh, it's fine. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 19:53, 23 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
" with severe damage recorded on the islands of Ureparapara and the Torres Islands, while extensive damage was recorded on the islands of Vanua Lava and Gaua" - again, what's the difference between severe and extensive?
- We went through this online, the source indicates that there is a difference so it would OR to make one up.Jason Rees (talk) 11:39, 15 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"verall approximately 1600 people were made homeless and a further 1600 were badly affected by the Cyclone." - this writing is awful close to the original source (watch for plagiarism), and it's awkward. Please rewrite.
- Not sure how to rework it.Jason Rees (talk) 11:39, 15 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - Well, this is from the original source - "In all approximately 1,600 were made homeless and a further 1,600 badly affected." That is way too close to plagiarism (if not outright being so) so please just rewrite. Just find a way to do it. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:22, 24 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    - I seriously doubt that it is close to plagiarism since the original source is in the PD but im not sure what the best way to rework it is so since it is obvious that you have a thought or two on how to rework it id like to hear your ideas.Jason Rees (talk) 13:22, 24 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      - Reworked.Jason Rees (talk) 00:50, 26 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"military forces, medical teams and aid" - add comma after "teams"
- No - Ive always been taught not to add a comma when we are dealing with lists and penultimate item.Jason Rees (talk) 11:39, 15 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"While the other plane was used to transport more than 16,000 kilograms (35,000 lb) of fuel and relief supplies including food, shelter and other emergency supplies" - this isn't a sentence. Get rid of the "while" and you'll be fine.
- Done.Jason Rees (talk) 11:39, 15 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
" €100 thousand" since it's less than a million, I'd say " €100,000"
- Done.Jason Rees (talk) 11:39, 15 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"which was used for the local purchasing of food, including rice, preserved meat and fish, which was distributed to Anne's victims" - not written the best. I'd say "which was used to purchase local food, including rice, preserved meat, and fish, to be distributed to Anne's victims."
- Done - Not sure though about to be distributed as it sounds like we dont know if it was distributed or notJason Rees (talk) 11:39, 15 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - There are now two "which"es in the sentence. Still could use some tweaking. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:22, 24 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    - Sorted.Jason Rees (talk) 00:50, 26 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"US$1.2 million and 2 million" --> "US$1.2–2 million."
- Done.Jason Rees (talk) 11:39, 15 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"while the South Pacific division of the Adventist Development and Relief Agency, sent AU$ 5000 to New Caledonia for relief efforts" - rm comma.
- Done.Jason Rees (talk) 11:39, 15 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Get rid of the redundant link to Roy in the see also, since it was mentioned in the MH.

All in all pretty good. Lemme know if there are any questions! --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:23, 28 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

- Weve spoken about the extensive/severe damage thing via FB so bar that i will get to these in the next few days.Jason Rees (talk) 20:42, 30 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - Whats left to do? im struggling to pick anything else out.Jason Rees (talk) 14:24, 20 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    - There are still things I've mentioned that you didn't reply. Just pick out the things I mentioned where you didn't reply. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 15:39, 20 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      - Per his request, I replied to most of the unreplied things left. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 19:53, 23 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I've bolded what's left to be done. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:22, 24 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]