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GA Review

[edit]
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Reviewing

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Reviewer: CorporateM (talk · contribs) 05:25, 12 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]


I'll take on this review. CorporateM (Talk) 05:25, 12 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks for volunteering your time, it's much appreciated. Chiswick Chap (talk) 07:48, 12 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

First look

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Done
  • Citation 5 has an error
Fixed.
  • Some of the language is a bit awkward
  • Calling the company an "undertaking" in the Lede
Changed to 'business'.
  • "The company traded as colliery and limestone quarry owners and iron and steel manufacturers" I think maybe you just meant it traded limestone, as oppose to "trading as"
Clarified, it refers to the official listing.
  • I would prefer not so many bold company names in the Lede. I believe we usually just bold the name of the article
Each one of the boldface names is the target of a redirect per WP:MOS, i.e. each one is a search term and the name of a dummy article. The company indeed had many names during its history. Chiswick Chap (talk) 07:48, 12 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Early unprofitability: Suggest a different title
Renamed to 'Starting out'
  • Early unprofitability: Suggest adding something about the Derwent Iron Company being the article-subject's predecessor company to make it more clear
Done.
  • Early unprofitability: However
Merged paragraphs and rearranged.
  • Early unprofitability: It was not until -> "In April 1864"
Done.
  • Early unprofitability: The last sentence should probably be broken up into two to avoid a run-on
Done.
  • Success under William Jenkins: There seems to be a lot of editorializing with words like "fortunately"
Changed to 'fortunately for the company', which was the intended meaning. There's no for or against here. Chiswick Chap (talk) 07:48, 12 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Success under William Jenkins: There's an extra space between paragraphs near the bottom
Removed.

Lede

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done
  • "The company was officially listed as trading as the owner of collieries and limestone quarries, and as iron and steel manufacturers.[1]" -> "The company coal mines, limestone quarries, as well as metal processing facilities for steel and iron."
Reworded.
  • "the site becoming known as the Consett Steel Works." -> "and the location was renamed to Consett Steel Works"
Done.
  • "passed to the National Coal Board on nationalisation in 1947" - can we explain what is meant by "on nationalization"? Since I am US-based, this is a very foreign concept to me. Did the government take control of all businesses at that time? Or did the government acquire the business from its owners?
Reworded, thanks for the hint. Yes, the government took over all coal businesses at that time, steel businesses a little later. Then it changed its mind. Chiswick Chap (talk) 17:28, 12 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • What is meant by "officially listed"?
Removed.
  • Citations 1 & 2 don't appear to have very much citation information filled out.
Filled out and updated refs. Chiswick Chap (talk) 03:43, 13 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • It looks like parts of the Lede are cited and parts aren't. If the cited parts aren't included in the body, I think that's ok. However, if they are, you should stick to one format or another (cites in the Lede or no cites) CorporateM (Talk) 21:12, 19 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Moved refs to body. Chiswick Chap (talk) 08:33, 20 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Early history

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Completed
  • Citation 4 needs an accessdate and the title is a bit odd
Done.
  • Suggest "exploit" -> "mine" because exploit is a bit ambiguous
Let's try "to quarry and smelt": the exploitation was not to sell ironstone, but to make iron using the newly acquired ironstone.
  • The second sentence is a bit awkward - what makes some ironstone "the best"?
Fixed: the highest iron content.
  • Do we have any details on how they "arranged" (with who?) the railroad extensions?
Added a railway company: more in footnote.
  • Can we change the second paragraph into two sentences to eliminate a run-on sentence
Done.
  • Who provided the capital?
Described the shareholders briefly. Chiswick Chap (talk) 08:12, 13 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • after years of uncertainty, seems like un-needed editorializing
Not really; the company was as stated in a perilous financial position and spent more than 7 years with a highly uncertain future, or to be blunt the constant threat of bankruptcy.
Can we say something more specific along those lines? Like, "After operating for several years under the threat of bankruptcy" (something even more specific would be better, like how much money was being lost each year.) CorporateM (Talk) 16:48, 17 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Done.
Done.
Done (in footnote).
Done.
Done.

William Jenkins

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completed
Done.
Done.
Done.
Done.
Done.
No indication of high rate of injury; the point is rather to evidence the company's care for its workers.
Done.
Done.
Done.
Done.
Done.
  • A lot of the second half of this section I think is not written in an encyclopedic tone and needs could be better integrated with the rest of the content. I might take a crack at copyeditng and moving things around if you don't mind, because I think it would be hard to explain precisely what I mean. CorporateM (Talk) 21:44, 17 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
OK; have copyedited and checked for tone.
Changed to 'profit'. See table.
Careful financial management. Cited.
  • "For this purpose it created the Angle Mills on a sixteen-acre site. These mills could produce 1500 tons of angles, bars and girders per week" - this sentence uses "the" (singular) but "These Mills" suggests plural. A bit confused. CorporateM (Talk) 21:40, 19 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Reworded.
Linked.
Done.
  • "Contemporaries regarded [Jenkins] as being particularly shrewd in two respects: in his judgement of what was profitable business, and in his choice of men for managerial posts." I'm not sure I understand this quote... CorporateM (Talk) 22:01, 19 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Added a gloss.
He progressed from being a chemist, a blastfurnace manager and eventually General Manager after Jenkins.Wilson, p203 Said 'a manager'.
Extended the description of Ainsworth's time.
Done.

Twentieth century

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Done.
Done.
Done.
Done.
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Done.
Done.

Final review

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  • "On 4 April 1864, after operating for several years under the threat of bankruptcy, a new Consett Iron Company Ltd was formed[5][6] with capital of £400,000, which was divided into 40,000 shares priced initially at £10 each,[2]:2 with J. Priestman as managing director; two local Members of Parliament, Henry Fenwick and John Henderson, were among the directors." Can we break this up into 3 sentences to avoid a run-on. CorporateM (Talk) 15:32, 26 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Done.
With financing.
In Consett. Chiswick Chap (talk) 16:05, 26 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
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