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Talk:Christening (The Office)/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Ajmint (talk · contribs) 17:16, 21 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I will review this. ajmint (talkedits) 17:16, 21 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
    See prose comments below.
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
    There seems to have been a little dispute over the phrasing of "mixed reviews", but I think that's over.
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
Lead
  • "Cece" is used, while the rest of the article has "CeCe"
  • "gets christened" -> "is christened" is more formal
  • Link christened to Infant baptism?
  • Link high school?
  • "as such" can be dropped
  • "viewed by 7.65 million viewers" -> change to "seen" or "watched" to avoid repetition
Plot
  • "the entire office" -> "everyone in the office"? He obviously didn't invite the building, but this sounds a bit weird + variety from lead
  • "in the back of his car" -- is the car just Jim's, or Jim and Pam's?
  • "keep an eye on her" -> "watch over her"
  • "Cece" again
  • "had her" -> "had CeCe"
  • The sentence beginning "Michael is inspired" is too long and should be split
  • "Office staff" should not be capitalised
  • "every one of them" -> "all of them"
  • "hopping on the bus" -> "getting on the bus"
  • There is a stray ) after "Erin Hannon"; I assume this should be "(Ellie Kemper)"
  • Link crucifix
Production
  • "With the seventh season of The Office being Carell's last," -- would reword this to get rid of "with ...ing": "The seventh season of The Office was Carell's last, so..."
  • should "Season Seven" be capitalised?
  • "showing up" -> "coming"
Cultural references
  • "Kelly pulls" is too informal
  • "Jim wraps CeCe in an Arcade Fire shirt. Arcade Fire is a Canadian indie rock band." - These sentences could be merged
Reception
  • "3.8 rating/10 percent"; correct me if I'm wrong, but should this not be "3.8/10 percent rating"?
  • "calling it among the worst episodes" -> "calling it one of the worst" or "ranking it among the worst"
  • "portrayed Michael is a way that showed him as" -> "portrayed Michael as"
  • The comma after normal is not a typographical error (the original article has "a flawed, yet normal, man." – the "yet" clause is set out with two commas) so [sic] should not be used. I would just include the full quotation: 'portrayed Michael as "a flawed, yet normal, man."'
  • comma after "Scott's Tots"
  • comma after "Michael's maturity in the episode"
  • "taking it serious" -> "taking it seriously"
  • comma before "he complimented Lieberstein's performance"
  • hyphenate "sixth season" before "clip show"
  • 'blamed it on the writers, who she said "have'
  • missing ] after "[Pam and Jim"
References
  • 1: "Shows" not "Showz", space missing before "Office"
  • 4&5: links no longer go to videos, need titles formatting properly
  • (8: Link the whole of "NBC.com")
  • (9: Correct curly quotes)
  • (17: Remove "at IGN", add IGN as work)
I am putting this nomination on hold until these problems can be fixed. ajmint (talkedits) 22:26, 22 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I believe I have corrected all of the issues. How does it look now?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:46, 22 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Just a couple more things: ajmint (talkedits) 22:58, 22 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Take out the comma before "dealt with Pam and Jim"
  • "all the members of the office"
How does it look now?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 03:14, 23 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Pass. Well done! ajmint (talkedits) 07:15, 23 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]