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Talk:Chris Pappas (Neighbours)/GA1

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Reviewer: Wizardman Operation Big Bear 15:24, 9 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I'll give this article a review sometime this weekend. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 15:24, 9 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Took me a bit longer to get to it. Here are the issues I found: The first paragraph I had to read over a few times to make sure I got everything right; a couple sentence could use some rewording. Namely, "Mason auditioned for the part in 2009 and he was told the character was gay and that he would later come out to his friends. Mason had no problem with this and successfully won the role of Chris." That first sentence feels run-on-ish and and it could be meshed into the lead a lot better than it is.

  • "She added that Chris' coming out storyline" Chris's. This occurs multiple times in the article at about a 50/50 split, keep it either one way or the other.
  • "Bower later revealed that two thirds of the boys who auditioned for the role of Chris, backed out when they discovered the character was gay.[4] Bower said that was "disappointing, but not surprising".[4]" first comma unneeded, plus these can probably be combined into one sentence.
  • "The new storyline with Chris is the first in the show's history to feature an ongoing prominent male gay character" this seems to just repeat itself from a couple sentences earlier, so not needed.
  • "Summer initially takes the news well and plays it down, but Natasha Williams (Valentina Novakovic) goes out of her way to find out which student is gay." a bit confusing as written for someone who hasn't seen the show. did natasha find out someone was gay but wasn't sure who/is there a better way to word it? It's explained in the story section well, but reading the article top-to-bottom makes this odd.
  • "The go to the gym" They go
  • "They group begin to" The group (somehow that y moved a whole paragraph)
  • The writing in the Storylines section feels a little basic and bland. Not really a GA issue but it made it a little harder to get through. Also, the entire section being unreferenced is concerning. I'd at least put one in just so there couldn't be accusations of having just made up the storyline (i know you didn't, just speaking hypothetically)
  • Has there been criticism of the character or his handling? If there isn't really any sans for a fringe market, then you don't have to force it in, just thought I'd ask.
  • "D. Langford, Anthony" in the references, I'd put the middle initial with the first name.

I'll put the article on hold and pass it when the issues are fixed. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 05:38, 16 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you Wizardman for the review and thank you Anemone for taking care of some of those points already. - JuneGloom Schmooze 17:12, 16 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Everything looks good now. The only iffy issue remaining is one that I noted wasn't a GA issue, so as a result I'll pass this as a GA. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 03:48, 18 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I didn't actually finish this yesterday, but I've now edited the storylines a little and added some refs. - JuneGloom Schmooze 17:44, 18 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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