Talk:Charlotte County Sheriff's Office

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A fact from Charlotte County Sheriff's Office appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know column on 13 August 2020 (check views). The text of the entry was as follows:

Did you know... that after the mishandling of a call to the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office that might have prevented a woman's murder, Florida mandated additional training for 9-1-1 dispatchers?

A record of the entry may be seen at Wikipedia:Recent additions/2020/August. The nomination discussion and review may be seen at Template:Did you know nominations/Charlotte County Sheriff's Office.

Wikipedia

Did you know nomination

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Hdolf (talk) 08:24, 7 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

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Comment or view
Article history

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CCSO Headquarters

* ... that the first Charlotte County Sheriff (headquarters pictured) was school teacher James H. Lipscomb? Source: History of the Sheriffs of Charlotte County

- ALT1:... that a 911 call mishandled by the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office (headquarters pictured) led to additional training for 911 dispatchers in Florida? Source: CS/SB 1694–911 Emergency Dispatchers
- ALT2:... that the first appointed Charlotte County Sheriff (headquarters pictured) was a school teacher? Source: History of the Sheriffs of Charlotte County

Created by PCHS-NJROTC (talk). Self-nominated at 21:09, 17 June 2020 (UTC).[reply]

Reviewing as of 15:51, 20 July 2020 (UTC), Awsomaw (talk)

General: Article is new enough and long enough
New enough: Long enough:

Policy: Article is sourced, neutral, and free of copyright problems
Adequate sourcing: Neutral: Free of copyright violations, plagiarism, and close paraphrasing:

Hook eligibility:

Cited:
Interesting: - n

Image: Image is freely licensed, used in the article, and clear at 100px.
Freely licensed: Used in article: Clear at 100px:

QPQ: None required.

Overall: Hi @PCHS-NJROTC: I prefer ALT1, but I would phrase it...

ALT3:... that a mishandled 9-1-1 call by the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office (pictured) led to a Florida act mandating additional training for 9-1-1 dispatchers?

Alternatively, I think ALT1 could be a lot more hooky if you actually worked Murder of Denise Amber Lee in there somehow, though that's an extra 26 characters at least. Let me know what you think, Awsomaw (talk) 16:10, 20 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

ALT4:... that a mishandled 9-1-1 call to the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office led to the murder of a young lady and a Florida act mandating additional training for 9-1-1 dispatchers?

What do you think of this one? PCHS-NJROTC ^{(Messages)Have a blessed day.} 16:52, 20 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good! ALT4 would be good to go, but I just noticed I overlooked one thing. The source provided on the DYK nom and in the article does not say that this event "led" to the passing of the bill, it just says that the bill exists. Can you please provide a source that shows the connection between the incident and the passing of the act (and put it in the article as well)? Thanks, Awsomaw (talk) 17:26, 20 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Awsomaw: it looks like the nominator stopped editing on Wikipedia a week ago. Can you fix up or delete the passage in question, or should this nomination be closed as unsuccessful? Yoninah (talk) 19:50, 27 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Yoninah: I've cited the line in the article. with this source. It should be good to go now. Awsomaw (talk) 23:16, 27 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Awsomaw: Great! Please go ahead and give your approval tick to ALT4. Thanks, Yoninah (talk)

ALT4 is good to go. Wasn't sure if I could approve if I updated myself. Awsomaw (talk) 21:03, 28 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@PCHS-NJROTC, Awsomaw, and Yoninah: Hi all. I was going to promote this, but the wording doesn't sit right with me. The mishandled call didn't lead to the murder, instead it possibly failed to prevent it. Can you please reword ALT4 to reflect that? The Squirrel Conspiracy (talk) 23:47, 28 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Actually, I was interested in reading the main article, Murder of Denise Amber Lee, after seeing this nomination. The information given there is different than here. The Lee article does not mention the 9-1-1 call going to the sheriff's office, and it gives a different U.S. Route number than here. I'm wondering if the rest of the information in this article is even accurate. Yoninah (talk) 23:54, 28 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Yoninah: Both articles state that the mishandled call was made on US-41 and went to Charlotte County's call center... What specifically is incongruous between the two articles?

@The Squirrel Conspiracy: You're right, good catch. Let's try...

ALT5:... that a Florida act mandating additional training for 9-1-1 dispatchers was passed after a 9-1-1 call to the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office failed to prevent the murder of a young lady?

This is a difficult hook. Open to suggestions, Awsomaw (talk) 14:13, 29 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Awsomaw: How about:

ALT4a: ... that after a 9-1-1 call to the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office that might have prevented a woman's murder was mishandled, Florida passed an act mandating additional training for 9-1-1 dispatchers?

ALT4b: ... that after a call to the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office that might have prevented a woman's murder was mishandled, Florida mandated additional training for 9-1-1 dispatchers?

The Squirrel Conspiracy (talk) 23:07, 29 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@The Squirrel Conspiracy: Thanks, ALT4b is more concise and looks good. Awaiting Yoninah's reply to earlier concern before giving the tick. Awsomaw (talk) 23:18, 29 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Awsomaw: I think that someone needs to go over all the sources to make sure they are being quoted properly in the article. There are also two bare URLS that need to be expanded per Rule D3. It'll take me some time, but I would do it if no one else will. I like ALT4b but think that the verb should be moved up, as follows:
ALT4c: ... that after the mishandling of a call to the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office that might have prevented a woman's murder, Florida mandated additional training for 9-1-1 dispatchers? Yoninah (talk) 18:08, 30 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Yoninah: The new hook looks good. I won't have too much time until next week. If you would like to do it, go for it, else I will get to it next week. Awsomaw (talk) 15:31, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Yoninah: Hi, I've looked through all the sources, retrieved archived dead links, and autofilled other sources. One question... I know WP:ONEEVENT doesn't apply here technically because it is not a person, but does something similar apply here? Just looking at this article from a notability perspective. I've fixed everything else, I think. Awsomaw (talk) 20:53, 3 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Awsomaw: there's enough about the office itself to call it a start-class article for DYK. Just make sure there's no copying from the Lee article. Yoninah (talk) 21:06, 3 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Alright, this is good to go for ALT4c. Awsomaw (talk) 23:46, 4 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]