Talk:Carlos Yulo/GA1

GA Review

Passed. Stevie fae Scotland (talk) 12:48, 21 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Nominator: Arconning (talk · contribs) 13:56, 3 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Stevie fae Scotland (talk · contribs) 18:16, 19 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Will get started on this this evening.

Riley1012 pinging the co-nominator. Arconning (talk) 12:32, 20 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	Just a couple of things: You can refer to him as just Yulo in the early life section instead of repeating his full name. Not done The statement verifies his full name. This can be removed with further request. He is the second of four siblings, with his older sister Joriel being a member of the National University Pep Squad, and his younger siblings Karl Jahrel Eldrew Yulo and Elaiza Andriel Yulo, are also gymnasts. - I would split this up into separate sentences so it is easier to read. Needs a couple of extra commas too. He is the second of four siblings. His older sister, Joriel, is a member of the National University Pep Squad, and his younger siblings, Karl Jahrel Eldrew Yulo and Elaiza Andriel Yulo, are also gymnasts. Done. He earned four gold medals in every division, namely the team event, individual all-around, floor-exercise, and vault. Reads like he has won 16 gold medals. Get rid of "every division, namely the team event," Done. He won every event, winning gold in the individual all-around, floor exercise, and vault, as well as the team competition along with his teammates If he won everything, you don't have t state everything. Done, reworded as this competition excluded some of the competitions in usual gymnastics competitions. The training served as them as a bid for them to qualify for the Remove first as Done. His coach, Munehiro Kugimiya, is referred to by the full name twice and by Kugimiya once in the prose. Either use the full name for each occasion or use the surname after the first mention (I will let you decide which is best as I'm unfamiliar with Japanese naming customs). Done Yulo won five medals at the 2016 Pacific Rim Championships- gold... The hyphen here should either be a spaced dash or a colon, either would suffice. Done Then at the Baku World Cup - Comma after Then. Done he won a silver medal on the floor exercise- his third... Should be space – space and not a hyphen. Done You don't need to list every event that he won if you've already said "he won every individual gold medal." Done he won the gold medal on the floor exercise by 0.066 - You'll need to help me here as I'm not an expert in gymnastics. It seems weird that there is a quantity that isn't defined, could you say 0.066 points or is that not how gymnastics works? I see there are some other similar mentions so it would be much appreciated if you can help me understand. Done, just put points instead. After his win, his below average height of 4 feet 11 inches (1.50 m) made him an example by the Senate of the Philippines as a "wake-up call for our government to focus and provide more support to our athletes". Why is his height relevant here? Do they (or did they) only support tall athletes? Done, explained how his height is relevant. reportedly due to "personal reasons". Using reportedly in this sense casts doubt on whether they did part company for personal reasons. If you have a reliable source which states it was personal reasons, you can say 'it was personal reasons'. Done, removed reportedly. He went back to Aldrin Castañeda, who coached him as a junior. - No mention of this in the Junior section. Done He won three more gold medals in the event finals- on floor exercise, vault, and parallel bars. - As above, spaced dash or colon. Done Can we add some of the sporting awards into the career section? Other awards, such as that from the Japanese ambassador could be added in prose to a personal life section as well. See comment in "Focus" section for the personal life account, but I'll add the sporting awards in the career section soon.
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.	Some here too: But is a word to watch so I'd change this sentence: he was part of the National Capital Region's gold medal winning elementary team, finishing with a score of 79.35 but placed fifth in the individual all-around with a score of 26.15. Probably split it into two sentences after 79.35 or use the word "and". Done Can you make sure that each gymnastic event is linked on the first mention after the lead? I think it's just the three (vault, floor + parallel bars) that are mentioned in the lead that aren't linked on the first mention in prose. Done Similar with the infobox, either link each event every time or only on the first mention in the medals part. Not done, I'm retaining this to be consistent with other GAs and FAs of athletes. Some of the events mentioned don't have dedicated articles or sections in articles so they are not linked to any. Linking 2018 Melbourne World Cup to 2018 FIG Artistic Gymnastics World Cup series seems like an easter egg to me. I understand why you've done it but it seems weird that Melbourne is linked but other events aren't. Could we link 2018 season rather than the first event? I think that would make it clearer and you've already mentioned the season in a few paragraphs. I removed the wikilink instead.
2. Verifiable with no original research, as shown by a source spot-check:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).	Spotcheck on refs 1, 14, 28, 40, 76, 96, 108 All look like reliable sources although the quality of English in the Philstar is unusual. Is this standard of Filipino English? I'm unfamiliar with it so would appreciate your input. It's definitely Philippine English, just some grammar errors I believe.
	2c. it contains no original research.	Infobox: Ricardo L. Otero Jr. is only mentioned here, there is no source for him as a coach. Tokyo is mentioned as his training location, is there an up-to-date source for this? There is a source for his studies which ended in 2022 but not more recently. Done, removed both. The Competitive history section is unsourced although I believe everything is in the prose above it. Can you make sure everything mentioned in the table is sourced above? I'd rather there was a source for the table (or for each row in the table) but if it is sourced in the prose, I think that should be okay. It is mentioned in the body, so it shall remain unchanged. :)
	2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism.	Checked with Earwig's Copyvio Detector
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).	My only thoughts here are the lack of a personal life section. I'll understand if there aren't the sources to add it though. Most of Yulo's personal life is in the early life and education section so... yeah! Not much sources on his personal life outside of his early life either.
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.	Recent edit history is stable
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.	All tagged and captioned appropriately
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
	7. Overall assessment.

It's looking good so far. I've not quite got the time I thought tonight but I will complete this over the weekend. Added a few initial thoughts though. Stevie fae Scotland (talk) 18:50, 19 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Stevie fae Scotland I fixed some of your comments already, waiting for further instructions. :) Arconning (talk) 12:29, 20 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, I've finished the prose review. Looking for your feedback on some gymnastics-specific things I'm not sure of though. Will move on to spot-checking sources next. Stevie fae Scotland (talk) 17:29, 20 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Finished the review now, thanks for your patience. Placing on hold to allow you to look over my comments. Stevie fae Scotland (talk) 18:39, 20 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Stevie fae Scotland I think I've finished most of the comments? Let me know if you have any other problems and I'll fix 'em right up. :) Arconning (talk) 12:21, 21 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Cool, I'm happy with that and your explanations as well. Thanks for all your work on this. Stevie fae Scotland (talk) 12:46, 21 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.