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Talk:Cabell Breckinridge/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Ealdgyth (talk · contribs) 15:25, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be reviewing this article shortly. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:25, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
    Some spots where the prose could use some polishing to make it clearer
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

General:

  • Lead:
  • Early life:
    • "and they arrived back at Cabell's Dale on April 18, 1804" what/who/where is Cabell's Dale? First mention of this...
  • Studies:
    • "When the next term began in May, he joined the American Whig–Cliosophic Society, which was founded by James Madison, Philip Freneau, Aaron Burr, and Henry Lee in 1769." Can we get a bit about what this society did/does?
    • "Not long after, however, he received word that he was improving and expected to meet him in Virginia on his way back to the capital." Again - too many he/him/his's and we get a bit lost in them...
    • "When he attempted to leave Cabell's Dale on October 22, he collapsed off his horse and returned to his sick bed; he died December 14, 1806." I finally figured out this was Cabell's father - not Cabell. Again ... too many He's without clarification.
    • "Despite his declaration to a relative that, "I consider my life dedicated to my mother's ease", Breckinridge continued his studies." - the last "his" refered to was John, not Cabell - clarify.
    • "His father died intestate, complicating the settlement of his estate and creating financial difficulties for Cabell Breckinridge, who had been receiving his support." Needs more clarity - suggest "John Breckinridge died intestate, complicating the settlement of the estate and creating financial difficulties for Cabell Breckinridge, who had been receiving paternal support in his studies."
    • "Desperate, he appealed to his brother-in-law, Alfred Grayson, the son of Senator William Grayson, for assistance." - this seems to imply that Cabell had married - or is this a husband of a sister? If the later - we need clarification.
  • Marriage:
    • "After attending celebrating with friends and relatives in Princeton, Philadelphia..." something's off here ...
    • Hey, look - after five or so mentions of Cabell's Dale, we finally get an explanation ... "the couple moved in with Breckinridge's widowed mother at Cabell's Dale, the family estate near Lexington." suggest doing so on the first mention.
    • "He was commissioned a major and served as..." is not supported in the reference given. It says he was an aide to the guy, but doesn't give his rank.
    • "Concurrent with his practice, he served as a professor of religion." Where or at which school?
      • The source doesn't say. I'd guess Transylvania University (then Transylvania Seminary), which was in Lexington and affilitated with the Presbyterian Church like Breckinridge, but I can't cite that. Acdixon (talk · contribs) 16:05, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Political:
  • Death:
    • what happened with his children after his death? His wife?
      • I had more of this in there, but decided to take it out. The wife and kids moved to Cabell's Dale, where the wife apparently had frequent clashes with Cabell's mother and brother, despite the fact that the brother went into debt supporting her. She eventually moved out and moved in with her sister. Even her kids thought she was in the wrong, according to Davis. How much of that should I include in this article? I don't want to go too far off-topic. Acdixon (talk · contribs) 16:05, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Misc:
  • I've put the article on hold for seven days to allow folks to address the issues I've brought up. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns, and let me know one of those places when the issues have been addressed. If I may suggest that you strike out, check mark, or otherwise mark the items I've detailed, that will make it possible for me to see what's been addressed, and you can keep track of what's been done and what still needs to be worked on. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:58, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]