Talk:Bud Jorgensen/GA1
GA Review
[edit]| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: Mike Christie (talk · contribs) 01:07, 18 May 2023 (UTC)
I'll review this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 01:07, 18 May 2023 (UTC)
Earwig finds no issues. No images to review. Sources are reliable.
- "Jorgensen was recognized for his prolific career": this is a misuse of "prolific" -- it means creating a lot of output: a prolific writer, or musician, for example. He was productive, but perhaps just "for his long career" would be better.
- A couple of times you say "over 46 years" or ""46+ years", but there are no dates given in 1924 or 1970, so how do we know it wasn't just under 46 years?
That's all I can see -- there are some places where I think the prose doesn't flow all that well, but it meets the GA standards.
Spotchecks. Footnote numbers refer to this version.
- FN 1 cites "After the Packers, Jorgensen continued his career as an athletic trainer for the University of Wisconsin–Green Bay men's basketball team from 1972 to 1978." Verified. The paraphrasing is kind of close but this sort of thing is extremely difficult to rephrase and I think it's OK.
- FN 3 cites "He was respected enough though that he often lectured or spoke at clinics on various athletic training topics." Verified, but I think "respected enough though" is editorializing and I think it should be cut.
- FNs 14 & 15 cite "He also only missed two games in his tenure, both due to medical emergencies in his family." Verified, but I wouldn't call the birth of his son an emergency; maybe just "medical issues in his family" or even just "family issues".
- FN 12 cites "In 1970, Jorgensen received the Arnie Herber Green Bay Sportsman of the Year award." Verified.
-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 01:32, 18 May 2023 (UTC)
- Mike Christie, I think I have addressed your comments. Regarding his tenure, the sources conflict, some say 46 and others say 47. "Over 46" was my way of being correct without having to explain the discrepancies between sources. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 04:46, 18 May 2023 (UTC)
- It seems quite likely he began working for them at the start of the school year in 1924 and left at the end of the school year in 1970, which would be 46 school years but less than 46 calendar years. I'd suggest just saying "46", or perhaps "about 46". The other fixes look good. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:02, 18 May 2023 (UTC)
- Mike Christie, I'm not exactly sure how school years come in to play here. The 1924 Green Bay Packers season began in September 1924. He retired in June 1971. This would be 46 years and nine months. My guess is there was some confusion about what his "retirement date" was, i.e. the day he stepped down from head athletic trainer vs the day he fully retired from the Packers, as well as some rounding up by organizations (46.75 years is easier said as 47 years). Even giving some leeway that maybe he didn't begin with the Packers at the first game of the year, I think "over 46 years" is correct, verifiable and a common sense compromise with conflicting sources. Let me know what you think. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 16:24, 18 May 2023 (UTC)
- I agree; I was conflating school year and American football sports year in my head, without thinking about it properly, probably because I can hear my local high school's football team practice from my back garden. Anyway, that was the only issue, so passing. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 17:55, 18 May 2023 (UTC)
- Mike Christie, I'm not exactly sure how school years come in to play here. The 1924 Green Bay Packers season began in September 1924. He retired in June 1971. This would be 46 years and nine months. My guess is there was some confusion about what his "retirement date" was, i.e. the day he stepped down from head athletic trainer vs the day he fully retired from the Packers, as well as some rounding up by organizations (46.75 years is easier said as 47 years). Even giving some leeway that maybe he didn't begin with the Packers at the first game of the year, I think "over 46 years" is correct, verifiable and a common sense compromise with conflicting sources. Let me know what you think. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 16:24, 18 May 2023 (UTC)
- It seems quite likely he began working for them at the start of the school year in 1924 and left at the end of the school year in 1970, which would be 46 school years but less than 46 calendar years. I'd suggest just saying "46", or perhaps "about 46". The other fixes look good. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:02, 18 May 2023 (UTC)