Talk:Bryan D. Brown/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 23:02, 13 December 2013 (UTC)
I'll get to this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 23:02, 13 December 2013 (UTC)
- Thank you for taking the time to review the article. I hope you find Brown at least mildly interesting. This is the first article I developed myself and taken to and hopefully through the GA process so this is all new to me. Thanks again, — dainomite 02:36, 14 December 2013 (UTC)
- Brown took part in many contingencies Don't you mean operations?
- They are one and the same... contingencies, operations, contingency operations.. if this is too confusing to the average reader then I'll change it.
- For me a contingency is something that happens, an operation is what you do in response to the contingency.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 22:40, 22 December 2013 (UTC)
- fixed
- For me a contingency is something that happens, an operation is what you do in response to the contingency.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 22:40, 22 December 2013 (UTC)
- They are one and the same... contingencies, operations, contingency operations.. if this is too confusing to the average reader then I'll change it.
- Colonel and Commander of the regiment Don't capitalize Colonel and Commander as they're not proper nouns.
- fixed
- After leaving 160th SOAR Brown served at the helm of Joint Special Operations Command for two years as a major general, from 1998–2000. On promotion to lieutenant general, he sought to modernize neglected aspects of Army special operations forces as commander of U.S. Army Special Operations Command. What did he do at JSOC? and the last sentence reads oddly. Alternatively, go with a bit less detail here and mention that he commanded JSOC and USSOC.
- Sadly I wasn't able to find anything regarding him at JSOC or anything JSOC did during his timespan there. I went with the second option while also fixing the awkward USASOC sentence.
- Don't really care who succeeded him in command of USSOC.
- Snipped that out.
- His father Arnett Brown commas before and after the name.
- done
- who would eventually become a Command Sergeant Major and serve in the Vietnam War "who eventually became" and "served"
- done
- Combine the three short paras in Early life and family.
- done
- Put the abbreviation in parentheses after the first use, otherwise a reader doesn't necessarily know what the abbreviation stands for.
- Fixed, assuming it was regarding this.. he signed up for Army Special Forces after meeting Army SF recruiters.
- Explain or link ruck march. Watch out for this type of military jargon, many, if not most, readers are unfamiliar with these terms.
- I would like to get your advice on what to do here; I could link ruck to rucksack and march to hiking, since the march military page is in reference to parade/drilling. Alternatively, I could link ruck march to Loaded march which I literally stumbled across just now, I've never heard of the term but from reading it it looks to be the same as a ruck march.
- Loaded march is a new one for me as well, but it works as a link.
- I would like to get your advice on what to do here; I could link ruck to rucksack and march to hiking, since the march military page is in reference to parade/drilling. Alternatively, I could link ruck march to Loaded march which I literally stumbled across just now, I've never heard of the term but from reading it it looks to be the same as a ruck march.
- Put this is simple past tense: which would ultimately not come to fruition due to a peaceful resolution
- done "would ultimately not" -> "did not"
- In the late 1980s, Brown led U.S. forces what, all US forces? Or just those of the 160th deployed there?
- clarified, all u.s. forces assigned to that operation
- U.S. forces captured a crashed Soviet-made Mi-24 Hind attack helicopter Captured doesn't seem to be a good word here; how about recovered or retrieved?
- Ohh, nice! That sounds a lot better.
- Rephrase this: After Desert Storm, Brown lead the entire 160th SOAR becoming its third commanding officer Maybe something along the lines of: "Brown became the third commanding officer of the 160th after Desert Storm."
- Sounds good, done.
- assistant Division Commander (Maneuver) Don't capitalize this and probably better to rephrase as "ass't division commander for maneuver.
- done, just curious but why "ass't" instead of "assistant"?
- That was just me trying to save typing. You should spell it out.
- done
- That was just me trying to save typing. You should spell it out.
- done, just curious but why "ass't" instead of "assistant"?
- Is the number of days in command really useful to know? And I don't really think that the details about his successor are relevant. Gates' comment, however, is useful.
- I thought it helped support and give perspective on how long he was in office, instead of just a regular/plain "He was the longest serving commander of SOCOM". Removed the sentence on Olson's tenure.
- Looking at the list of USSOCOM commanders they seem to spend a lot more time in command than any of the commanders of the tactical units that I ever served in. Which was usually about two years, give or take.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 22:40, 22 December 2013 (UTC)
- Yeah it's the same from my experience. Even up to O-7/O-8 they are in two year rotations. Up until Brown though all the previous commanders of SOCOM only served on average three years. — dainomite 03:49, 23 December 2013 (UTC)
- Looking at the list of USSOCOM commanders they seem to spend a lot more time in command than any of the commanders of the tactical units that I ever served in. Which was usually about two years, give or take.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 22:40, 22 December 2013 (UTC)
- I thought it helped support and give perspective on how long he was in office, instead of just a regular/plain "He was the longest serving commander of SOCOM". Removed the sentence on Olson's tenure.
- As a US military-related article, please put all dates in the DMY format used by them.
- fixed
The article is pretty good, overall. Just need to fix some of the grammar and phrasing problems.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 20:53, 21 December 2013 (UTC)
- Accomplished a majority of the changes. I left a few notes/questions on some. Thanks for giving it a good comb-through. — dainomite 17:45, 22 December 2013 (UTC)