Talk:Brown Sugar (D'Angelo album)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Prism (talk · contribs) 16:41, 15 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Hi! I'll be reviewing this article. From the looks of it, it seems very well written but I believe the corrections I suggest will improve it even more. If the GAN is passed I would suggest a FA candidacy.

Review

Overview

Disambiguation links

— "Tick tock" needs fixing.

Done. Dan56 (talk) 02:19, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

External links

— A lot of links need correction! (Tips: Substitute the URLs given in the article (as they are now) with the ones you are redirected to once you click them. They probably changed domains or some details.)

Done, apart from the few pqarchiver.com links which are naturally like that. Dan56 (talk) 02:19, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Prose

Lead (NOTE: I will not talk here about sentences supported by dead links and other problems, those notes are in the References section of this review.)

— Reads smoothly and with flow. However, just one minor correction: "released July 3, 1995, on EMI Music." (the comma isn't required after dates)

Commas after mdy dates per MOS:YEAR. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Background

— The first sentence is awfully long. Break it in two.

Done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

— "Following the formation of his native-Richmond, Virginia musical group, Michael Archer and Precise, [...]" (is Michael Archer and Precise the name of the group? If so, substitute the commas before and after it with em-dashes.

Done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

— "and cash prize" → "and a cash prize"

Done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

— Did the initial group break up? Plus, an interesting detail, he used a mixtape which was originally by the group how? Did he re-record it? With or without permission? Please explain a bit better.

No information available on that I think. I assume he left to pursue his own career. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

— "After an impressive audition for EMI execs" (Impressive should be in quote marks or the phrase should imply that the execs were the ones that found it impressive.

Revised. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

— "and at number 28" (remove at, it's redundant)

Done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

— "highly promoted showcases" (what kind of showcases?)

Performances, added, done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Recording

— "$ 500" → "US$ 500"

Done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

— The first use of FN15 here is redundant.

Done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

— "who had previously produced Me'Shell NdegéOcello's debut album Plantation Lullabies (1993).[19]" (I don't think this is relevant to the scope of the article)

Removed. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Music and lyrics

— Please retitle "Vocals" to "Vocals and inspiration".

Will "vocals and influences" suffice? Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Songs

— Two uses of FN35 which are redundant. (and examples of WP:OVERCITE)

Done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

— "Christopher John Farley cited "Higher" as the album's best track.[13]" (Unnecessary)

Done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

— "Misinterpreted as a traditional love song about a femme fatale by most R&B audiences,[10] "Brown Sugar" takes the form of a conventional love song." (Repetition of love song, please reword)

Done. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

— While I in no way reprehend a larger text pertaining to the song lyrics and composition, does it really need its own heading?

Yeah, I suppose to make it more accessible for readers. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Commercial performance

— Note 1 being used here is redundant... it just says the same that is contained in the section without references.

References (footnotes)

— I'm aware that the body of the article already has the references for it, but please add them to Note 1.

Removed altogether. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Suggestions

— You could expand a little on how he promoted the album (e.g.: release of singles [date, music video, etc]; tours; etc)

Added bit about tour and subsequent live album. Not much about this album's promotion among sources though. Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

References

— While it isn't mandatory for GAs to use citation templates, I believe it would be simpler for readers if the book references linked directly to the 'Bibliography' section. I mean, by using the harvnb template (if you need help let me know).

— Could you set the reflist template to width 3?

— All references need publisher. Billboard's is Prometheus Global Media; NME's is IPC Media, etc.

Per Template:Citation#Publisher, it's "not normally used for periodicals". Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

— At first I was a bit worried about MVRemix and Music City but now that I see them they seem reputable and well-written. — Please archive the old web links dating to some years ago, because they may eventually "die".

Review history

April 15, 2014 — Initial comments and review. prism^△ 16:41, 15 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]