Talk:Bomba Patch/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 18:25, 28 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Comments to follow soon. ♦ jaguar 18:25, 28 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"Eventually, the mod became nationally known" - perhaps this reads better as The mod became popular nationwide.
- Fixed Skyshifter ^talk 00:47, 29 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
" He stopped working on Bomba Patch" - Jefferson
- Fixed Skyshifter ^talk 00:47, 29 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
"and Jefferson created social media for it" - reads sloppy, he created social media accounts?
- Yes; fixed Skyshifter ^talk 00:47, 29 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
"Several publications recognize Bomba Patch's impact and legacy in Brazil." - can this be expanded? What did people enjoy about the mods?
- It's in the impact and legacy section. The sources praised the game for many different aspects, so I'm not sure how to summarize it without it being too long. Skyshifter ^talk 00:47, 29 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Added Skyshifter ^talk 21:12, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
"for PlayStation," - missing 'the'
- Fixed Skyshifter ^talk 00:47, 29 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
"using mod "Brazucas"" - again, missing 'the'
- Fixed Skyshifter ^talk 00:47, 29 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
"He initially changed the foreign teams for Brazilian ones" - replaced the foreign teams with Brazilian ones
- Fixed Skyshifter ^talk 00:47, 29 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
"However, the uniform and shield were still the same" - should this not be 'emblem'? And I'd rephrase to However, the team's uniforms and emblems were left unaltered
- Fixed and rephrased Skyshifter ^talk 00:47, 29 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
"He then edited in clubs from the Campeonato Brasileiro Série A and Série B." - overuse of 'he', replace with his surname
- Fixed Skyshifter ^talk 00:47, 29 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
"Jefferson reports that even in the second championship, " - wrong tense
- Fixed Skyshifter ^talk 00:47, 29 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
"Jefferson also allowed participants in the championship to take the mod home" - you mean he gave away the mod's source code?
- In the PS2 era this mod was usually sold as physical discs. The source also implies that (translated: One of these participants took a copy of Bomba Patch to a store in the city and exchanged it for another game). Skyshifter ^talk 00:47, 29 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
" One of them, however, took a copy of the mod to a store in the city, one of whose shopkeepers was in business with a large street market in another city" - this reads poorly and needs to be rephrased
- I'm really bad with prose, but I tried to make it better. Skyshifter ^talk 00:47, 29 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
"While its main platform is still PlayStation 2" - missing 'the'
- Fixed Skyshifter ^talk 00:47, 29 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

There are a few prose issues, but I'll leave this on hold and will review it again once all of the above have been clarified. ♦ jaguar 19:45, 28 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Jaguar: thank you for reviewing the article! I've responded to everything so far. Indeed I am not very good with prose, but hopefully everything can be sorted out by the end of the review. I can also help clarify some Portuguese sources if needed. Skyshifter ^talk 00:47, 29 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you, Skyshifter. I made a couple of copyedits but this looks good to go now. Well done!

♦ jaguar 23:02, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]