Talk:Bhimsen Thapa/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Royroydeb (talk · contribs) 17:08, 14 May 2015 (UTC)

*Why Mukhtiyar starts with capital? And if it is in Hindi, it should be in italics. - Because it is a title, just like Prime Minister. Used before a person's name, it should be capitalized. Not sure if the word exists in Hindi, but it sure is Nepali. I don't think italicizing the word is a good idea, since the word appears in the context of a non-English person. It would be very jarring to read, pretty much like italicizing the word Sheikh or Emir or Rajah in a biography of a Sheikh or Emir or Rajah.

- P.S. I see now, you mean at the very first sentence of the article. Changed!

- P.P.S. I have also italicized the occurrences of other Nepali titles.

• When note is used then why mention in brackets?

- I did not understand this question.

• According to the MOS, surname is used to refer to the person, not first name.

- I understand that. But in this article, there are so many people with Thapa, Pande, and Shah surnames, that it would be confusing to know who is who. Thus, I chose to address the people with their first names to avoid ambiguity. Also, this is the standard practice in Nepalese history writing.

• followed Rana Bahadur Shah - followed should be accompanied otherwise it appears he was spying on the king.

- Done.

• kaji should be in italics

- Ok.

• in 1806 led Bhimsen to massacre ninety-three people, - make this matter clear.

- It is made clear in the Bhandarkhal Massacre of 1806 section.

• who is Damodar Pande?

- He figures prominently in the section titled "Rise to Power", I wonder why you have asked me this question.

RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 04:42, 15 May 2015 (UTC)

Manoguru (talk) 08:03, 26 May 2015 (UTC)

"unfilled for decades" - such vague things are discouraged by the MOS. just unfilled is OK

- Done.

• "his uncle, Bahadur Shah, had no official part to play." - "to remove his uncle Bahadur Shah from power" looks good

- Your suggestion sounds vagues. since a person can still be in the government, but in a diminished position. But I have reworded the sentence.

• (on 19 February 1797) and his subsequent murder (on 23 June 1797) - the brackets are unnecessary

- Done.

• "... especially among Brahmins." unsourced

- Fixed it.

• "That same year in 1797, Girvan Yuddha Bikram Shah was born and was immediately declared the crown prince." - consider "In that same year 1797, his son Girvan Yuddha Bikram Shah..." and what do you mean by immediately?

- meaning hastily. I have changed the word.

• "aged just 23" - I don't think just is necessary.

- I disagree. Very few monarchs give up their throne at age 23 out of their self will, unless they are forced to. The word helps to emphasize the youth and naiveness of the king.

• "started to live in Deopatan" - "started living"

- Done.

• "and cruelly punishing " - remove cruelly

- The ancient forms of punishments were always cruel compared to modern standards. But even by the standards of those times, the punishments given to those attendant physicians were quite extreme. If I were to remove the word "cruelly", I would have attached a note explaining exactly how they were tortured. But since I am not in my country right now, I don't have access to my references any more; thus I support keeping that word. But anyone interested can find the relevant passages it in the reference cited.

• "concede a trading post in Kathmandu and grant them certain percentage of the tax revenue." - as the word certian is given which is not specific, I would prefer you to quote what exactly given in the source.

- Fixed.

• "An elaborate intrigue" - elaborate is peacock term

- Fixed.

• The exile in Varanasi paragraph says little about Thapa. RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 07:50, 3 June 2015 (UTC)

- Fixed it. I have added the following: "Baburam Acharya holds Bhimsen responsible for all these activities, reasoning that Rana Bahadur did not have the mental capacity for negotiations and intrigues. He contends that Bhimsen was responsible for negotiation with the British as well as responsible for writing letters in the name of the ex-King, while the ex-King was bidding his time in debauchery."

Hi Roy, I haven't been active on wikipedia for quite sometime since I was busy with real life. I just saw your comments. I will try to address your issues this weekend. Have a good day!! Manoguru (talk) 00:44, 2 July 2015 (UTC)

References

Query

It looks like Manoguru made a number of edits during July; have the issues all been addressed now? Royroydeb, can you please continue the review? This is now the oldest outstanding review, and will be three months old in four days. Thanks to you both. BlueMoonset (talk) 18:08, 10 August 2015 (UTC)