Talk:Battle of Orthez/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Auntieruth55 (talk · contribs) 15:31, 20 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

I'll do this in the next couple of days! auntieruth (talk) 15:31, 20 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Commas

probably after introductory phrases, we should have a comma. At first, blah blah This is generally true throughout. Your text is dense so it doesn't hurt to either break it up, simplify,....
Done. I added a few commas and rearranged a few sentences.
Wellington's Spanish liaison officer Miguel Ricardo de Álava y Esquivel was hit by a spent bullet.

need to set off name with commas. Non-essential element.

Done

Obfuscation One example

Transferred to the Campaign in Northeast France were the 5,428-man 7th Division led by Jean François Leval, .... this sentences is very confusing. So and so transferred forces to northeast France: (yahdahyahdah) Or something. The way it's listed now is practically unintelligible -- maybe a chart-- you've got all this in the order of battle, so you can afford to do something quick and dirty here. If you decide not to, there still needs to be a comma after Carlos Lecor, and....
Done. Armies section: changed sentence structure to "1st Division under Foy (4,000 men)..." I hope that helps.
Won't fix Lecor... OK: A, B, and C. Also OK: A, B and C. I consistently use the latter.

Operations--I rather expected to get into the battle here, not necessarily the prelim to it, so this needs to be more clearlylaid out in the first sentence. Wellington had as his objectives blah or blah, but to reach these, he neeeded to do yahdah and yahdah first.

Done. Operations section: Added 4 sentences at the start to explain strategic plans of both sides.

You do like to bury your subject as an object. This is one example

On the north side of the Allied-occupied area was the strongly garrisoned fortress of Bayonne A strongly-garrisoned fortress guarded the north side of the Allied-occupied area. You're not describing the terrain, you're describing why he didn't attack there. If you want to describe terrain and dispositions, you could do that, but I'd not mix it with operations....unless you want to clarify that the operations involved moving his men to Bayonne (for that pointless battle), and then Orthez, so they could take on the French?
Done. See my comment under Operations. If we wrote all sentences like noun-verb-object it would get dull quickly. However, I see that always leading with a clause can also get turgid.
but just as the reinforcement arrived Cole's line collapsed but Cole's line collapsed just as reinforcements arrived
Done
. His holding attack with the 3rd and 6th Division was converted into a head on assault. He converted his holding attack into a head-on assault.
Done
279 while Vasconcellos' brigade lost 295 279, while Vasconcellos' brigade lost 295....OR 279 and Vasconcellos' brigade lost 295.
Done

Just being ornery....

But when the leading brigades came under accurate artillery fire from the Escorial and Lafaurie knolls, probably don't start a sentence with but...please....
I don't think that starting a sentence with "but" is prohibited, but since it sets your teeth on edge ... Done.

copyright...5.7% Violation Unlikely

This is good. I like your battle articles. Nice and detailed. The detail sometimes distracts from the story, though. So don't forget the story. :) auntieruth (talk) 20:34, 20 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Done and Done. :) auntieruth (talk) 22:00, 27 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]