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GA Review

[edit]

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Reviewer: Royroydeb (talk · contribs) 16:57, 12 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

[Background section]

  • "His Majesty" - [the king's name]
  • " strengthen Britain's position on the Suez Canal" - strengthen?
  • "reinforce the route to Great Britain's imperial dominion in India" - reinforce; what does it mean hear?

RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 17:31, 15 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hi @Royroydeb:, thanks for these.
I don't understand your His Majesty point - please could you clarify?
On the other two points, how about "strengthen Britain's military position on the Suez Canal" and "reinforce add another step on the route to Great Britain's imperial dominion in India"
Oncenawhile (talk) 18:04, 16 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Hi @Royroydeb: please could you clarify this? Oncenawhile (talk) 12:09, 29 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Hi Oncenawhile sorry for my long absense. My spectacles broke and it took a long time to mend. (Because of various formalities). I will address the GAR in one or two days. RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 13:35, 3 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • I cannot understand the line "servicable" means. There is no previous mention of the word, then why servicable means phrase is used? [Oncenawhile => changed to "Proposed means"]
  • Please mention in brackets who is Chaim Weizmann. [Oncenawhile => added explanation and context]
  • A question that strikes my mind that why did Balfour proposed creating the homeland in Uganda? There were many more British colonies. [Oncenawhile => this one took a while, but i have now added some context and fixed a couple of other articles in the process]
  • The para after quote is uncited [Oncenawhile => cite added]
  • Who is Henry McMohan? [Oncenawhile => fixed]
  • Why is it in quotes - "the districts... [no edit here - it is in quotes because it is a direct and key quote from the letters]
  • This para is also uncited [Oncenawhile => cites added]
  • " Hussein called on the Arab population in Palestine..." Again I cant understand what welcome? Any sort of population transfer? [Oncenawhile => this failed verification so has been removed]
  • "the complete and final liberation.." Since it is in quotes I can assume it is somone's viewpoints; please mention [oncenawhile => this is a direct quote from the Anglo-French Declaration. The text explains this by writing "...the latter promising..."]
  • "classified later" when?? Two years later? Later half of 20th century? [oncenawhile => added ref explaining]
  • Blockquote should be used for Curzon's quote. [oncenawhile => i have done this, but it looks odd?]
  • The Sykes Picot para is uncited, and has a lot of unecessary quotes. [oncenawhile => cited and tidied up]
  • The "Zionism" section should at least in short describe what led to the rise of anti-semitic feelings. [oncenawhile => added a paragraph on the birth of zionism]

RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 20:10, 8 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks. I am working on these now. Oncenawhile (talk) 17:19, 12 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Hi @Royroydeb: these are all done now. Many thanks. Oncenawhile (talk) 19:08, 13 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Hold on, I will be posting my comments today only. RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 10:22, 31 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

[Motivation section]

  • At that time- time of war? What time? [removed by TrickyH]
  • It was also hoped - Who hoped? [clarified and sourced by TrickyH]
  • Link League of Nations [done by TrickyH]
  • The last few lines lack citations [Oncenawhile => I have added these]
  • small budget - remove the word small to make it neutral [actual amount added by TrickyH]
  • The blockquote of Weizman Balfour needs citation [added by TrickyH]
  • This may, however - according to whom? [Oncenawhile => text removed, but underlying point retained with greater detail and sourcing]

[Drafting section]

  • In the years following - ambiguous [Oncenawhile => clarified]
  • The 'most comprehensive explanation' - In this sentence why there are quotes? The thing about unofficial needs to be explained [Oncenawhile => this had been added verbatim from the source. I moved it down to become a ref quote, and replaced with a simpler sentence]
  • More recently -ambiguous [Oncenawhile => removed]
  • Isnt the 1961 book of Stein here a primary source? [oncenawhile => no, because the primary source is the national archives were all these drafts were found by Stein.]
  • author of the declaration was by Alfred, Lord Milner - remove by [oncenawhile => done]
  • carefully worded, and ambiguous - how can it be carefully worded as well as being ambiguous? [Oncenawhile => changed to "internationally ambiguous" with source]
  • The phrase 'Jewish..... - This sentence also needs to be explained [oncenawhile => done, and source quote added]
  • The phrase "national home" was intentionally.... - This sentence is also unclear [oncenawhile => reworded, and source added]
  • The Jews did not want a state but a protectorate in Palestine? [oncenawhile => not sure I understand this question]
  • to denying that a state was the intention. - Needs to be reworded [oncenawhile => reworded]
  • an early draft - which draft? [Oncenawhile => clarified]

[Reaction section]

  • protested the carrying of new "white and blue banners with two inverted triangles in the middle" - Why that part in quotes? [Oncenawhile => Huneidi puts them in quotes too - they are a direct quote from the petition. It is used like this because the way they describe the Star of David as two triangles provides an interesting note]
  • They drew the attention of the authorities - Which authorities? [Oncenawhile => British - i have clarified]
  • Curzon had previously opposed - If lord Curzon had previously opposed the declaration that means he presently supported it? [Oncenawhile => I have clarified this as his opposition was prior to the Declaration originally being made]

RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 06:14, 5 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hi @Royroydeb: I have now amended the article with respect to all of the above - many thanks for these. Also pinging @TrickyH: to thank you for your help. Oncenawhile (talk) 23:30, 9 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Happy to help! TrickyH (talk) 06:57, 10 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]
If User:RRD13 is kind enough to attribute GA status to the article, then I propose to put it up for WP:PR with the intention to reach WP:FA status. Since this is a high profile topic, relevant to many WikiProjects, it should gain some focus. The aim is to get the article as WP:TFA for the 100th anniversary in November next year. Oncenawhile (talk) 10:23, 10 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Just a thought, why dont you add a small paragraph in the "Impact" section about Arab Israeli conflicts ? RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 09:30, 14 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Hi @Royroydeb:, this is done. Oncenawhile (talk) 10:36, 14 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Sure. I have wikilinked Stein, and added the remaining below:

Oncenawhile (talk) 10:27, 14 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]