Talk:Astraea (album)/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 14:45, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

I would link mathcore in the lead.
Avoid linking common geographical terms like United Kingdom. And certainly don't over link it.
"The band commonly described..." why "commonly"?
"Jason Sanderson had come" surnames only after you've introduced them (as long as there's no ambiguity, which there isn't here).
"Rolo Tomassi only did one short tour of the" why in italics, and "did"? yuck, maybe rephrase to avoid "did".
"compile all work they" all the work?
Again "done on" hate "do", "did" etc, not elegant.
"that both Joseph Thorpe and Joe Nicholson" surnames only needed.
"wanted to go to university and get a degree in chemistry" too much detail really, condense, perhaps, to "wanted to read chemistry at university"
"Joe Thorpe's reasons were more to do with personal differences" ->"Thorpe's reasons were related to personal differences".
No Coast in italics yet it's the name of a band, not needed, be consistent.
Avoid "drone aircraft", stick with the scientific term, "unmanned aerial vehicle".
"previous album Cosmology as" album title not in italics this time, be consistent. Check all band names throughout (including captions etc).
"progress had not come far enough" -> "insufficient progress had been made".
"have big melodic passages[10]" firstly reads poorly, secondly needs a full stop there.
M83 is overlinked.

I'm halfway, I have other things to do all of a sudden. If the above are fixed, and if you can apply the comments to the remainder of the article, then that'd be great. I'll put it on hold for a week. The Rambling Man (talk) 19:35, 11 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Followed GA amendments in recent edit. Jonjonjohny (talk) 14:58, 15 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]