Talk:Ashley Hans Scheirl

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Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment

This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Peer reviewers: MaggieCD.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 17:35, 17 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Feedback from MaggieCD

Language could use some work, in specific reference to " his first testosterone shot was taken at the age of 40 and he began transitioning." Your first introduction paragraph in general could use some editing and restructuring. The content of what you are saying is fine, but how you are saying it comes across as an essay style manor rather than just delivering the facts. Under the tab "Career" you write, "two short videos in 1986" change "videos" to "films" ie, proper film language. "Scheirl is known to use film as a medium to experiment with gender and identity, often through montage, and relates his film to identifying as "cyborg." You have way too much going on in this sentence, break it down. What are you trying to say? what are the facts? because this is a bit confusing. Under "Flaming Ears (1991)" make sure to always follow the date of the release after the film title. "Also known as Rote Ohren fetzen durch Asche, Flaming Ears" <-- (1991) Watch your grammar as well in that paragraph. Overall, you really need to edit this again. What you are saying is fine, how you are saying needs work. Watch your grammar and spelling. Make sure you are using both proper film and wikipedia language. Best of luck! and good article!