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GA Review

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Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: PCN02WPS (talk · contribs) 04:56, 29 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]


Hi there, I'll be reviewing this nomination in the coming days. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 04:56, 29 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Alright, look forward to working with you. ArcticSeeress (talk) 12:13, 29 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I have made some comments which can be seen below. I'll place the nomination on hold, no rush to address them. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 04:44, 7 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
While there are a lot of primary sources used in the article, they are all the subject's YouTube videos and channel, and I don't see primary sources that violate WP:RSPYT or WP:SELFSOURCE, or support anything controversial or contentious, so I'm comfortable giving this article a pass. Well done. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 06:12, 18 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Lead and infobox

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  • The first sentence of the article is very long, I'd recommend breaking the sentence after "taking his life".
  • Death date is given twice in the lead, I'd think this is not necessary.
    • I've replaced the second date with a year. I noticed now while editing that I wrote about his year of death in the second paragraph as well: His YouTube career lasted from 2006 until his death in 2021. Should the year be removed in one of these sentences? ArcticSeeress (talk) 15:00, 7 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • comma needed after "Kongsberg, Norway" per MOS:GEOCOMMA
  • are there dates/years available for his 100,000 and 1,000,000 creator awards?
    • I could only find one for a million subscribers on his about page (i.e. 2020). According to this article, he had 53,000 in 2015. He may or may not have written about getting 100,000 in one of his videos anywhere between those dates, but checking that will have to wait until I'm done with the rest of the review. ArcticSeeress (talk) 15:00, 7 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • Years active "2006-2021" → an en-dash should be used per MOS:DATERANGE

Personal life

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  • comma needed in first sentence per GEOCOMMA as above
  • The first sentence, which contains his birth date, birth place, and his move to Sandefjord, is not sourced.
    • Looks like I put another source between that and the Insider source that confirmed his date of birth; fixed. Also, the source does state his birth place and move to Sandefjord: "Født i Kristiansund", "Bodd på Mosserød i Sandefjord fra han var 6 år". ArcticSeeress (talk) 17:40, 8 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "According to his about page on YouTube" → to someone unfamiliar with the platform, this would sound very strange; perhaps reword to simply read "According to his YouTube page.."?
  • "nor did he drink alcohol often outside of his videos" → add bolded word
  • A few issues with this sentence: "In November 2018, Eckhoff uploaded a video to YouTube revealing that he had been diagnosed with colorectal cancer earlier that year in March—which he clarified was not due to lifestyle choices, but from chronic inflammatory bowel disease—undergoing surgery later in June"
    • "earlier that year in March" → "in March of that year" or something similar
    • I'd recommend splitting this sentence into two since it reads confusingly if you take out the bit between the dashes. Perhaps a full stop before "which he clarified" and begin the second sentence with "He clarified that the cancer was not due to lifestyle..." and add that he underwent surgery in June to the end of one of the two sentences.
  • This sounds like it is a direct quote from the subject and sounds a bit out of place when stated factually like this; if this is a quote from Apetor I'd put it in quotation marks and I'd say remove it if not.
  • "He mostly recorded without anyone else present, including his more dangerous videos" → perhaps reword this just a bit
  • "acquiring over a million views in the span of a week" → MOS:NUMNOTES touches on this just a bit, but replacing "a million" with "one million" reads better to me.
  • In the second sentence of the second paragraph, link vodka since you refer to it multiple times afterward.
  • "...he was encouraged to upload more videos like it, and established the business..." → break this into two sentences, with a full stop after "like it" and with "and" replaced with "He"
  • "...which he developed in the 80s." → change "80s" to "1980s" per MOS:BADDATE

Reception

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Other ventures

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  • "Christmas greetings, for 250 kr a piece" → "apiece" is one word
  • "in the 2022 Harald Zwart film Lange flate ballær 3, the sequel to Lange Flate Ballær and Lange Flate Ballær 2, with him playing a villain." → Is there a reason why the first and second editions are all capitalized and not italicized, but the third is both italicized and written in mostly lowercase?
  • "Set to come to theatres on 1 April 2022, Eckhoff was to star..." → this date is now in the past, so the sentence needs updating

Death

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Videography

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All good.

Notes

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All good, with a couple exceptions that are noted above.

References

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I'll do a deeper look at these once the comments above have been resolved.