Talk:Amber Merritt/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 08:06, 18 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Lead is too short per WP:LEAD, it needs to summarise the whole article.
- Y Expanded the lead. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:25, 24 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Too many photos.
- Y Removed one. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:24, 24 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
" British-born Merritt was originally a swimmer" you mention her place of birth again, is this relevant to her being a swimmer?
- Y Removed. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:24, 24 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Not much point in abbreviating DAS when you don't use it.
- Y Removed. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:24, 24 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Don't forget, new paragraphs mean you should re-introduce the subject, i.e. "gave her a A$20,000 grant as" ->" gave Merritt a A$20,000 grant as"
- Y Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:24, 24 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Not sure why you'd start a para with which number jersey she wears.
- It's just to avoid having lots of paragraphs start with her name. A common problem with biographical articles. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:24, 24 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"In the second round of the 2008 season, the Western Stars defeated the Hills Hornets 52–44. Playing for the Stars..." probably need to say she played for the Stars, then introduce the result.
- Y Good idea. Also added a bit about the 2013 season.
"she scored 8 points, had 5 rebounds, and 2 assists" -> "she scored eight points, made five rebounds and two assists".
- Y Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:24, 24 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"She also played in" -> "Merritt also.."
- Y Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:24, 24 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Season statistics [35]" remove space.
- Y Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:24, 24 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
M isn't in key.
- Y Added to the key. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:24, 24 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
MIN isn't in key.
- Y Added to the key. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:24, 24 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Ensure col headings comply with WP:DASH.
- Y Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:24, 24 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
PF is PFS?
- Y Average per game. Added to the key. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:24, 24 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
ABC is Australian Broadcasting Corporation.
- Y Corrected. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:24, 24 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Be consistent on works/publishers that are linked/unlinked.
- Y That bot again. Corrected. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:24, 24 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'll put it on hold for a week (seeing the same old problems again and again...) The Rambling Man (talk) 16:23, 24 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

All points addressed. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:24, 24 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]