Talk:Alexis Bachelot/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Redtigerxyz (talk · contribs) 17:22, 21 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	Do not start paras with pronouns like "they". Start with nouns Link seminary of Piepus explain names with a short summary or relevance like "the King of Hawaii Kamehameha II". I have added summaries to some names. Please check. Please add for Hiram Bingham I, Patrick Short, Abraham Armand and other jargon like Ayuntamiento "the departure of its priest" ? departure to some place (France for e.g.) or the archaic meaning as death??? Add info about transition of power in Hawaii. Unclear about the years of influence of Kamehameha II , Kaʻahumanu etc. Possibly add years. "his leaders did not try to prevent him from doing so" his???? unclear Add death date and place in the main text I do not see the term "Prefect Apostolic of the Sandwich Islands" in main text (non-lead). Add it there. When did he become this? "Later life": when did the confinement end?
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.
2. Verifiable with no original research:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).	Add ref for birth date, death date
	2c. it contains no original research.
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).	"Persecution" 's 1st para hardly has anything to with Bachelot and mostly deals with Boki and the chiefs. Condense.
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
	7. Overall assessment.	GA PASS.

Comment Thanks for starting the review, this has been a fun article to work on. Thinking about Hawaii is a good way to get through the winter :) I tried to remove the paragraph-beginning pronouns, let me know if you see any that I missed. I should have a decent amount of time to spend on this over the rest of the week, so detailed feedback on the article is more than welcome. Mark Arsten (talk) 19:40, 21 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the detailed comments and copyediting, I think I took care of your comments--but I'll try to take another look in a couple days. Mark Arsten (talk) 00:51, 25 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

My comments have been addressed. GA PASS. Congrats. Great job. Redtigerxyz ^Talk 15:51, 25 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review, it was a pleasure to work with you. Mark Arsten (talk) 01:49, 26 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]