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Talk:Ahmed Mohamed El Hassan/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 16:54, 18 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]


Happy to review this article.

Review comments

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Lead section/infobox

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  • Link PhD (Doctor of Philosophy); Faculty of Medicine.
  • The six-paragraph lead needs to have the paragraphs reduced in number, this can be done by simply joining paragraphs together, and perhaps reducing the number of words. I would suggest there are only two paragraphs (see MOS:LEADLENGTH).
  • and immunopathology - ‘ and the immunopathology’ sounds better imo.
  • Bestwood - ‘bestowed’
  • El Hassan was also – also is I think redundant here, and can be removed (minor point).
  • and Al Qadarif – consider amending to ‘and the Sudanese state of Al Qadarif', to help readers unfamiliar with the region.

I have replaced the image with one that is 'fair-use', as the date cannot be determined, a requirement for WikiCommons.

I have added a link to the Arabic Wikipedia, and it may be that other links can be added within the article. Let me know if you want like me to help add these.

Early life and education

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  • Link Clinical Pathology; doctorate.
  • Berber intermediate school – presumably ‘a Berber intermediate school’ is correct. I’ll amend similar issues myself, please revert if I make any errors.
  • Consider amending the Ministry of Health, Sudan, to ‘the Sudanese Ministry of Health’ to improve the sentence.
  • Housemanship – presumably ‘Houseman’.
  • As the third paragraph is one long sentence, I would split it, amending and returned to ‘He returned’.
  • Lecturer – ‘lecturer’ (small l).
  • finished a Doctor of Philosophy - ‘completed a Doctor of Philosophy degree’ sounds better imo.
  • Faculty of Medicine, University of Khartoum is a duplicated link, the link needs to be removed.

More comments to follow. AM

Career

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  • Link University of Khartoum; King Faisal University.
  • The image should not be enlarged.
  • In the caption, amend 1st row to ‘First row’ (see MOS:NUMNOTES).
  • Deputy Vice-Chancellor of the University of Khartoum - ‘Deputy Vice-Chancellor of the university’ sounds better.
  • his died in 2022 - ‘his death in 2022’.

Research

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  • World Health Organization is a duplicated link.

Personal life and death

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  • Amend to play Oud to ‘to play the oud’ (linking oud).
  • Amend Writings on medicine, music and literature to ‘Writings on Medicine, Music and Literature’ (the accepted style in Wikipedia).
  • Thursday, 10 November 2022 – Thursday isn’t needed.
  • Only one citation is needed for the statement about his death, consider not using the other three here.

Awards and honours

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  • Ahfad University for Women is a duplicated link.

Selected publications

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  • This section doesn’t come close to being a complete list, so why have these works been selected in particular?
  • None of the text should be in bold.

References

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  • The link to Ref 2 (UofK) appears to be unavailable.
  • Ref 18 (Google Scholar) does not connect with the text, so I am unclear why you have used it..
  • Refs 22 (WHO); 23 (RSTMH) link to websites but not the correct pages for me to verify the text.

Further reading

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  • Independently published is redundant text can be removed.

On hold

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I'm putting the article on hold for a week until 2 February to allow time for the issues raised to be addressed. Regards, Amitchell125 (talk) 15:09, 25 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Amitchell125 Many thanks for taking the time to review the WP. It is my first time going through this process, and I see it as a huge learning chance. I have amended the text as requested.
  • A question: does linking in the lead section considered when looking for duplicated links?
Links in the lead are considered separately from links elsewhere, so no. AM
  • Early life and education: Berber intermediate school, I changed to Berber Intermediate School
Thanks for this. AM
  • Selected publications: Selected publications was based on citations. I bold his name, similar to what academics do in their CVs, to highlight where they are in the authorship list. Maybe it is wrong.
The bold text should be removed, as we follow the Wikipedia guidelines for bold text (see MOS:NOBOLD). AM
  • References: The link to Ref 2 (UofK) appears to be unavailable = working for me
Now also working for me as well. AM
    • Refs 22 (WHO); 23 (RSTMH) = go the end of the page at 'Previous winners'.
FuzzyMagma (talk) 19:20, 25 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
I'll cross out completed comments and put a small cross (Red XN) next to any that are still to be sorted. Amitchell125 (talk) 08:51, 26 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
I now amended all comments except further reading as I found a 2008 edition of the book that was published by the Sudan Medical Heritage Foundation Publications (see the book cover) FuzzyMagma (talk) 17:49, 26 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Passing

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Passing now, the 14th WikiProject Sudan GA! Congratulations, and good luck with your future editing. Amitchell125 (talk) 18:55, 26 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the review, your comment, and very helpful instructions FuzzyMagma (talk) 08:00, 27 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
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