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GOCE Copy-edit of October 3-4, 2015

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This article is being copy-edited in response to a request posted at Wikipedia:WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors/Requests#Rodríguez Saá. I will post any questions or concerns I have here.

1) In the section Adolfo Rodríguez Saá#Governor is the following sentence:

  • He was helped by the clergy of the province, who opposed the radical candidate because of his laicism.

While "laicism" is a word (see [1]), it is an unusual word. Wiktionary gives "secularism" as the synonym. If "laicism" is to be used there, I think it should be linked, perhaps to a Wikipedia article. I linked it to Separation of church and state, but changed my mind and took the link out (I got confused and thought it was the opposite, then realized it wasn't). So here are several possibilities:

and there may be others.

2) The last sentence in the section Adolfo Rodríguez Saá#Governor is:

  • He attempted to divide the city of San Luis into four municipalities, as it was ruled by a non-aligned mayor, but had to drop the project because of the popular unrest generated by the proposal.

"Non-aligned" is not usually used in English to refer to a political figure of a different political party, so the phrase "as it was ruled by a non-aligned mayor" doesn't convey much to the reader. You could say that the mayor was a political rival, or a member of a different (or an opposing) political party. You could also re-phrase it and say (if it is true), "in order to dilute the power of the mayor, a member of an opposing political party" (or even name the mayor's political party); you can't say this if it's not true, and you should provide a source if it is true and you want to say this. But perhaps it's not that important, and if that's the case, you can just leave the phrase out.

I'm going to re-word this. Corinne (talk) 15:41, 5 October 2015 (UTC) I changed it to, "the mayor was a member of an opposing party". If, however, there was only one opposing political party, this should be changed to: "the mayor was a member of the opposing party" (and perhaps the party could be mentioned, too). Corinne (talk) 15:45, 5 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Actually, they were rivals but they were from the same party. Peronism has a dominant-party system in most of the provinces of Argentina, such as San Luis; the lack of a credible risk of losing to another party leads the members of such party to fight between themselves more than they would do otherwise. Cambalachero (talk) 16:07, 5 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

3) In the third paragraph in the section "Early life" is the following sentence:

  • Rodríguez Saá became a provincial legislator, and led the Peronist deputees in the chamber.

The word "deputees" is unusual in English. The more common word is "deputy", plural "deputies". I'm not sure that is the best word to use, either. Do you mean "party members", "[elected] representatives", or perhaps "political appointees", or "cronies"? Corinne (talk) 01:56, 4 October 2015 (UTC) I changed it to "deputies". Corinne (talk) 19:34, 4 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Dank I'd appreciate your help here. Corinne (talk) 19:36, 4 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I don't follow all the copyediting standards on WP; I only follow FAC standards (and I don't believe there's been a FAC-related request for this one). Also, I prefer to wait until an article actually hits Peer Review or FAC, so that I can see what other copyeditors are saying before I weigh in. - Dank (push to talk) 00:37, 5 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

GA Review

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GA toolbox
Reviewing
This review is transcluded from Talk:Adolfo Rodríguez Saá/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: MPJ-DK (talk · contribs) 13:07, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]


I will be picking up the review of this one - both for the Wiki Cup and the GA cup as well. I will be making my review comments over the next couple of days.

Side note, I would love some input on a Featured List candidate (Mexican National Light Heavyweight Championship) and a Featured Article candidate (CMLL World Heavyweight Championship). I am not asking for Quid pro Quo, but all help is appreciated.  MPJ-US  13:07, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

GA Toolbox

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I like to get this checked out first, I have found issues using this that has led to quick fails so it's important this passes muster.

Peer review tool
  • WP:LEAD - articles this size should have 1-2 paragraphs, I would like Good Articles to always aim for the higher number so two would be needed here.
Copyright violations Tool
  • No issues Green tickY
Disambiguation links
  • No issues Green tickY
External links
  • No issues Green tickY

Well Written

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Lead
  • "presidential elections, but did not win" does not need a comma
  • "resigned some days later" you can leave out the word "some", simplify it
Early life
  • "his graduation, and worked" does not need the comma
Governor
  • "production, and measures" how about using "as well as" to seperate the two so that it's not three "and" in a row?
  • "Although Duhalde lost the elections to the radical Fernando de la Rúa, Rodríguez Saá was again re-elected as governor." That seems like an odd phrasing - like it was a surprise that Rodríguez Saá won even though de la Rúa did not become president? is there a correlation?
Presidency
  • PJ is used without being explicitly defined initially.
  • "got a mandate of interim president" I belive "the mandate" is appropriate here.

"The new president completed de la Rúa's term of office." - not sure what that means?

  • I would add ("double simultaneous voting") after Ley de lemas to help us understand it a bit better without having to go somewhere else.
  • "included Carlos Grosso" was Grosso part of the unrest, or part of what they were protesting?
  • "which was celebrated by the chamber of deputies but was" - was it really celebrated that they took such an extreme step? and I would replace "but' with "and"
  • "resented" should be "rescented"
  • IMF needs to be defined.
  • "He called for a meeting" Saa or Krueger? the way it's written it refers back to Krueger, who I thought was a woman? I am confused.
  • "but only six governors attended" out of how many? Put it in perspective for us please.
  • "Maza and the minister Rodolfo Gabrielli" does not need "the"
  • "in Cadena nacional" should be "a Cadena nacional"?
  • What was Eduardo Camaño's role at the time?
Post-presidency
  • "to run for presidency" should be "to run for the presidency"
  • "after both of them and Ricardo López Murphy" reprashe it to something along the lines of "behind both ofthe other PJ candidates and Ricardo López Murphy"
  • "Both of them and Menem" should be rephrased along the lines of "Together with Menem Saa and his brother"
  • "San Luis for this group" should be "San Luis representing this group"
  • "He has been a senator since then." can you please list what years he was reelected to ensure we know the article is up to date.
  • "Rodrígues Saá has worked as a cattle rancher in San Luis since his defeat in the 2003 elections." - I thought he was a Senator, is that not a full-time job?
Kidnap
  • I think it should be titled "Kidnapping"
  • This seems oddly out of sequence, jumping back to 1993 instead of being chronological?
  • "million dollars, and was" does not need the comma
  • "their sentences, and currently" does not need the comma

Sources/verifiable

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  • The reflist should be {{reflist|30em}}
  • Look reliable, well formatted etc.

Broad in coverage

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  • Its really got very little, if anything at all about him after 1983 except for his political career. Is there nothing at all that can be added?

Neutral

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  • Yes Green tickY

Stable

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  • I don't see any issues on the aticle history in regards to edit warring etc.

Illustrated / Images

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  • No issues, all appropriate and licensed correctly.
  • @Cambalachero: - My review is complete, not a lot of issues, partially due to the League of Copy Editors it seems, so great work. I am going to put this on hold for seven days to allow for these issues to be addressed. Let me know if you have any questions.  MPJ-US  21:27, 29 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
    • Done. Some clarifications. As it says, Grosso was appointed chief of cabinet, so the context makes it clear that the "it" that includes him is the cabinet. The unrest was because, as pointed one sentence later, he was a very unpopular politician. Yes, the legislators celebrated the default with cheerings and chants, there is no mistake or misunderstanding there. The reasons are a bit complex and off-topic here (I will explain at your talk page), it is suffice to say that it happened. And yes, being a senator should be a full-time job... in theory. This is Argentina we are talking about. I renamed the section about the kidnapping to "Personal life", so it's more clear why it's out of order in relation to the others, and moved the part about the ranch there as well. Remember that this is an obscure politician, governor of a small province, who jumped to notoriety for his controversial handful of days as president, and then returned to the obscurity of the small provincial posts. Little of anything else he does is noteworthy for the newspapers, and nobody really cares about his personal life. In fact, I'm working in this article simply because I'm working with all the heads of state of Argentina and he's among them; otherwise, a senator and former governor of a small province would likely have stayed a stub forever. Cambalachero (talk) 16:34, 30 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
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