Talk:Abi Branning/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: M.Mario (talk · contribs) 16:40, 29 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I will review the article per request at my talk page. — M.Mario (T/C) 16:40, 29 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Lead and Infobox

The creator is used in the infobox, but not the introducer. Introducer is more prominent, so I would change creator to introducer. Done
"She first appeared in the show on 3 July 2006. The character and her casting was announced on 25 May 2006. She and her immediate family—father Max (Jake Wood), mother Tanya (Jo Joyner) and older sister Lauren (Madeline Duggan/Jacqueline Jossa) — are an extension of the popular and long-running Jackson/Branning clan, who has appeared in the serial since 1993". -> She was introduced by executive producer Kate Harwood on 3 July 2006 as an extension to the Branning family, along with father Max (Jake Wood), mother Tanya (Jo Joyner) and older sister Lauren (Madeline Duggan, later played by Jacqueline Jossa). Done
"Fitzgerald, in her first major role, began filming for the soap in May 2006 and made her first appearance on-screen in July" -> Not needed. Done
Split lead into two parts now, first past as the introduction, second part Reception. Done
"Kate White of Inside Soap praised both Fitzgerald and her character, saying "In actress Lorna Fitzgerald, EastEnders has the brightest young star in soap. The rest of her family are getting all the juicy stuff right now, but Abi's destined for great dramatic things. Mark our words". -> Cut down quote Done.
"award" after "Best Young Actor" is not needed. Done
Mention more of Abi's up to date storyline and partnered reception, like her 'Romeo and Juliet' relationship with Jay. Done

Plot

Any chance of a cut down? Remove any uneccesary details. (such as Max and Tanya kissing, Lucas being a murderer..) Plot needs a small rewrite, not so much long winded sentences. Done
Actor names missing. Done
Dont mention Jossa until she actually appears, so say "... Lauren (now played by Jacqueline Jossa).
"They plan to run away, but fail as they are caught by their parents." -> who? Done
"tells Ben to the same" -> Makes no sense. Done
"defending her father to her mother and sister" -> Names, rather than mother (Tanya), father (Max) Done
"Progressing into her teens" -> Rmv. Done
LATER is mentioned 14 times in Plot! Done
TV -> television Done
"They go to buy a new one, but they have a car crash and Greg and Tanya's wedding day the next day" -> makes no sense.
"recover fully" odd turn of phrase. Done
"Months later, Abi, Ben and Lola cause trouble and Abi is arrested for stealing trainers. When Abi is mugged, Lola teaches her how to self defend." -> Abi, Ben and Lola begin to terrorise Grace Olubunmi (Ellen Thomas) and stealing shoes, which leads her to later getting arrested. Abi is subsequently mugged, which leads Lola to teach her self defence. —Not needed, too much detail.

C&C and SD

Can the image caption be expanded? The image is also very crammed up when you open up all the family from the infobox. I would do: Development, leading into C&C and Storyline D. Subsections. —This is fine as is. My screen doesn't cram the image up.
Abi Branning -> Abi. Done
Lorna Fitzgerald -> Fitzgerald Done
"Abi Branning, played by Lorna Fitzgerald, was introduced in 2006 by executive producer Kate Harwood. The character and her casting was announced on 25 May 2006.[1] She and her immediate family—father Max (Jake Wood), mother Tanya (Jo Joyner) and older sister Lauren (Madeline Duggan until 2010, Jacqueline Jossa thereafter)—are an extension of the popular and long-running Jackson/Branning clan, who has appeared in the serial since 1993. Fitzgerald, in her first major role, began filming for the soap in May 2006 and made her first appearance on-screen in July" -> This is the lead repeated! Remove all of this, and move the mothers reaction part all up, changing it to Introduction and characterisation. Then do a small introduction into it. Done
Maybe put the mothers word in quotations? Give it a bit of variety (Not a GA criteria, Personal Preference). —If you want this, you do it.
"Abi's earlier storylines consist of her parents fighting for custody of her and her siblings,[5] and being injured in a collision with Deano Wicks' (Matt Di Angelo) car,[6] helping her friend Ben Mitchell (Charlie Jones) with his abuse from stepmother Stella Crawford (Sophie Thompson)[7][8] and being held hostage is the local café by Nick Cotton (John Altman).[9] In August 2009, it was announced that Abi will suggest to Tanya and Jane Beale (Laurie Brett) that they should switch lives for a week.[10] In September 2009, Abi and her friend Jordan Johnson (Michael-Joel David Stuart) find Jordan's mother Trina's (Sharon Duncan Brewster) decaying body in the summerhouse at the allotments having been accidentally killed by Jordan's father, Lucas (Don Gilet).[11] In February 2011, it was reported that Abi would be involved in a car accident along with Max and would suffer severe injuries after their car collides with a lorry on the way to Tanya's wedding to her new partner Greg Jessop (Stefan Booth). The crash scenes were filmed on 6 March 2011[12] and aired on 14 April 2011.[13]" -> Delete, rehash of Plot. Only use quoted material in this section. Sorry for saying this, but it is not needed. —Useful as a short descriptions of major storylines with references, which most GAs have.
Jo Joyner -> Joyner Done
"character start a relationship with Roxy Mitchell (Rita Simons)." -> Not needed. Done
"I reckon Roxy [would] be a good match for him too - he'd be happy to learn a few things from her, I'm sure!" -> not needed. Done
"Abi becomes distracted, but soon realises that she can't leave Jay.[17] Abi is thrilled to hear that Jay cannot live without her but is later livid when Tanya accepts the scholarship trip without her consent.[17] Jay then proposes to Abi, saying that they can go to Costa Rica on their honeymoon, to which Abi accepts.[17] Abi is later convinced to attend the scholarship and Jay issue's her with an ultimatum, him or the trip.[18] Abi decides to leave for the trip, leaving Jay devastated.[18]" -> Rehash of Plot again. Done
The links for Jay is not needed just put Jay (Borthwick)... so on, so on. Done

Reception

"Jane Simon of the Daily Mirror said that Abi is a "real soft touch". -> Move to Charaterization. Done
"A show insider said in February 2012" -> Dinner lady? -> This is quoted from the Daily Mirror, so I don't care.
Use things like, Stewart joked about this, This critic disliked this storyline, However this critic did... :) Done

Other

Rmv Locations from references. —Whatever that means...