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Talk:2019 Geelong Football Club season/GA1

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 09:31, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • Two paras for the lead would be sufficient, suggest you could merge each pair.
  • "regular season began" and " finished the regular season" repetitive.
  • I don't know what a "minor premiership" is.
  • ". This was ahead of Tim Kelly, who finished in second place with 259.5 votes. " -> "ahead of second-placed Tim Kelly on 259.5 votes". Tightens up a little and reduces the redundancy.
  • "in 2016 and 2017" -> "in the 2016 and 2017 seasons".
  • "scoring a total of 56 goals." a total of is redundant.
  • "club's captain" include "club's" in the pipe as it's specifically about Geelong captains.
  • "player leadership group" what's one of these?
  • "Car manufacturer" they make trucks too.
  • "continuing a long-running sponsorship deal that started" I'm not sure you need to repeat sponsor(ship) here.
  • You introduce Ford (which I suspect many people already know as an automobile manufacturer) but not "GMHBA Limited " which I've never heard of.
  • "in six incoming and outgoing trades" isn't a trade always "incoming and outgoing"? Do you need to specify that here?
  • "from Sydney respectively.[19][11]" Sydney is overlinked and ref order.
  • "to Gold Coast for " overlinked.
  • "A total of six players" -> "Six players"
  • " Tom Atkins, Jordan Clark, Charlie Constable, Darcy Fort and Gryan Miers.[29] Additionally, Luke Dahlhaus and Gary Rohan" all but Fort and Miers are overlinked.
  • As is Sydney again.
  • Statistics section uses "a total of" a total of three times...
  • The season summary has overlinking: Essendon, Collingwood, MCG, West Coast and Brisbane.
  • "ten of the next 11 matches" ten/eleven or 10/11.
  • The summary seems brief, skipping over 10 victories in one sentence.
  • " mid-season bye" no idea what this is. Is it a break in the season for all teams at the same weekend? And don't repeat bye so quickly.
  • Switching between singular (Geelong was defeated... etc) and plural (their pre-season etc).
  • Results table could be sortable, might be nice to see biggest winning margins, highest attendances etc.
  • "the Victorian Football League (VFL), " overlinked. And you abbreviated it in the lead, expanded it again above and now you expand it and abbreviate it again!!
  • Black and Atkins also overlinked.
  • Awards overlinking: Dangerfield, Stewart, Hawkins, Community Champion, Miers, Best Young Player, Bilcavs, Constable, Clark.
  • Spaced hyphens in ref titles should be spaced en-dashes.

That's all I have on a first pass, so I'm putting it on hold for now. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 13:06, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@The Rambling Man: Thanks for the extensive review, I believe I have addressed your comments. Is there something you use to easily detect the overlinks? Allied45 (talk) 10:26, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
No worries. I have a "Highlight duplicate links" tool in the "tools" column to the left-hand side of the page. I think it's standard rather than a specialist script but I could be wrong. I'll take another look at the article later, cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 10:41, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Still concerned that the season summary is brief, and as I noted above, skipping over around 10 consecutive victories in a single sentence? The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 11:10, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@The Rambling Man: Okay I have worked on expanding the season summary now. Please let me know your thoughts. Allied45 (talk) 09:25, 24 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Hey, it's very good now. The only thing I think we need to do is to neatly explain that Cats is the nickname of the club. You've kind of assumed our readers all know this by switching to Cats in the second sentence of the lead. Typically this would be covered easily by something like "Geelong Football Club (known as the Cats) ...." but the opening constructions in the lead don't allow for that right now. Just needs some possible rewording? Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 10:40, 24 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@The Rambling Man: Thanks, have updated. Does that work? Allied45 (talk) 11:06, 24 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Great, happy with all that now, so I'm promoting. Good work! The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 12:17, 24 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@The Rambling Man: Thanks for all your great feedback! I am new to the GA process, and I have learnt a lot. Allied45 (talk) 00:00, 25 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
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