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Talk:1928 Haiti hurricane/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 16:40, 29 September 2015 (UTC)[reply]


  • The lead goes into a bit too much detail about the MH in the first paragraph. Perhaps cut down a tad?
  • You should say in the infobox "at least 210 deaths"
  • "The damage totaled $1 million.[nb 1] At least 200 deaths were reported. " - these could be combined
  • "The worst impact from flooding occurred in North Carolina. Severe flooding destroyed several houses." - again, combine these
  • "Upon entering the Caribbean Sea early on August 8, a ship reported winds of 46 mph (74 km/h). As a result, the depression became a tropical storm at 00:00 UTC." - it didn't become a TS as a result of the ship reports. That's merely the evidence of it becoming a TS
  • Not fixed -- "indicts" isn't the proper term here, and the ship reports didn't result in HURDAT listing it as a tropical storm. It's the "As a result" here that's the problem. Auree 14:13, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "On August 9, the storm strengthened into a Category 1 hurricane on the modern-day Saffir–Simpson hurricane wind scale, while located about 155 mi (250 km) south of San Pedro de Macorís, Dominican Republic. At 12:00 UTC on August 8, the cyclone attained its peak intensity as strong Category 1 hurricane" - check your dates
  • The entire MH is uncited......
  • "Despite remaining off the west coast of Florida, the storm weakened." - this implies a negation, but you don't say why it would have weakened due to remaining off the coast. In addition, it was fairly close to the coast, but you imply it went much farther out over open waters.
  • No impact in the southern Lesser Antilles?
  • The ordering is funky in the first impact paragraph. You have impacts mixed in with aftermath. Try for a better flow, and make the Cuban bit its own paragraph (it's OK if it's short). This likewise happens in Florida, when you have preparations very late in the paragraph, after some impacts.
  • "Plate glass was damaged, while signs, trees, and telephone poles were knocked down in Sarasota." - was the plate glass damaged in Boca Grande (at the railroad station?) or in Sarasota? The ordering isn't clear.
  • "Rough seas began smashing a revenue cutter service ship docked at the Coast Guard station in St. Petersburg against the wharves. As a result, bumpers were placed between the ship and pilings. " - this could be combined
  • "One street closed after roof tiles started falling from the theater. " - what theater? You could just say "a" theater if you want.
  • "Additionally, many trees were toppled." - you already mentioned downed trees earlier in the Florida paragraph. Find a way to combine.
  • "A railroad passenger was abandoned due to water rising above the tracks." - wait, a passenger was abandoned? Was the person killed? That's an extremely random fact to have in an article. Unless, do you mean a passenger train?
  • "Milledgeville was left without water because the Oconee River was expected to reached 34 ft (10 m) in height." - the town lost water because of an expected rise in water? That doesn't make sense.
  • " rainfall forced the Catawba, French Broad, Swannanoa, and Yadkin rivers to overflow their banks" - forced isn't the right word
  • "Rainfall from the previous hurricane and this storm combined also brought flooding to Virginia." - poorly written
  • "another from freight while crossing the Roanoke River." - I don't get this.

The article is pretty good, but several portions just don't make sense. However, none of these seem terribly hard to fix, so I'll put the article on hold. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 16:40, 29 September 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Hurricanehink, 12george1, Juliancolton, and Hylian Auree: scolding all of you (Auree, you're just in the crossfire) for letting this sit longer than I let articles sit. :P Contemplating failing it, but AGF on forgetting and all that jazz. Hopefully y'all will do something with this. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 18:47, 1 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]