Draft:Robert Sabatino
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Robert Sabatino is an American icon, amateur hockey player, unlicensed tax attorney, nutritionist, truck driver, Instagram star, and semi-amateur softball virtuoso. Born and raised in the sprawling metropolis of Schiller Park, IL.[1] Robert rose to prominence when he became the 76th best player to come out of the Panther Paws ice hockey program[2]. In 2022, he became a viral sensation on Instagram when an unknown creator began posting videos of him falling down violently during every single game he played. Despite being employed by the state of Illinois, Robert has long been an advocate for the abolition of taxes and has spent his life incorrectly informing the public that income tax is voluntary[3].
Early Life
[edit]Born July 16th, 1981 at Loretto Hospital[4] in the West Garfield Park neighborhood of Chicago to Theresa (nee Nicodero) and Robert. Recognized as special from the start, Robert's parents put him on ice skates at 3 months old and fed him a steady diet of Harlo cheeseburgers and plain iceburg lettuce[5]. Due to child labor laws in Illinois, Robert was not able to begin Panther Paws Ice Hockey Program until he turned 5 years old. He spent the next four years practicing his "V Stops" on the frog pond to prepare. Now a matter of local lore, upon his 5th birthday he marched up to Chaz, the Franklin Park Ice Czar, slapped him across the face and demanded entry into the learn to skate program. His first coaches would go on to describe his talent as "average at best". He would spend every free moment of his youth at Franklin Park Ice Arena working at his craft. Sadly, his skating never improved
Hockey Career
[edit]Rob first became a Franklin Park Panther in the winter of 1987.[6]
References
[edit]- ^ "Schiller Park, IL | Official Website". www.villageofschillerpark.com. Retrieved 2024-09-05.
- ^ "Home Page | Village of Franklin Park". www.villageoffranklinpark.com. Retrieved 2024-09-05.
- ^ "Anti-tax law evasion schemes - Law and arguments (Section I) | Internal Revenue Service". www.irs.gov. Retrieved 2024-09-05.
- ^ "Austin, Chicago Hospital". The Loretto Hospital. Retrieved 2024-09-05.
- ^ "Home - Harlo Grill". www.harlogrillil.com. Retrieved 2024-09-05.
- ^ "Home". Franklin Park Ice Arena. Retrieved 2024-09-05.