Dave Cooks The Turkey
Dave Cooks The Turkey is a Dave and Morley Story from The Vinyl Cafe radio series originally broadcast on the CBC. It is one of the most well-known of the many stories told by Stuart McLean.[1][2]
It was censored in 2014 to remove any references to animal abuse.[3] The story is frequently rerun at the holiday season since McLean's death in 2017. The story is frequently referred to in subsequent programs.[4]
Summary
[edit]Dave is enlisted to cook the holiday family Christmas turkey. His wife, Morley, wants to have a traditional Christmas, and trusts that Dave can handle the turkey. Carl Lowbeer buys a Martha Stewart book for his wife, and is surprised it was just what she wanted. Morley joined last year and everyone gets together to do Christmas activities- even in May, and July. Year-round the women would do arts and crafts, and Morley eventually mentions it is 67 days left to the holiday. Dave is confused, and gets in an argument with Morley, saying "Uh-oh" as an afterthought- Morley slept downstairs away from Dave.[5]
Busier than ever, she compares herself to a train. Morley and Dave reconcile as he offers to help out because it means so much to her. Dave however, forgot until he was in bed on Christmas Eve. He didn't realize he also had to BUY the turkey. He is horrified about what Christmas Day would be like. He goes out to a grocery store and finds a 12-lb Turkey frozen as tight as a cannonball. He'd been out till 4 a.m. with help of a cab driver named Mohammed. By 6:30 he thawed it with an electric blanket and hair dryer. It was Grade B - looked like it made a break from the slaughterhouse and was beaten to death. That morning, the whole house smelled like Pine because of the lanterns. Dave didn't want to turn on the Oven timer, set for 5:30 that morning. He had no cause to have it explained to him.
Dave called a restaurant which would fix meals for people with dietary needs. He got in a taxi with the bird and went to Park Plaza. Dave attempted to keep up appearances while in line with his chick, but spotted Jim Scoffield- his neighbor. Dave ad-libbed that he brings the turkey there every year, and Morley told his to do this. Jim responded deadpanned. Dave goes to the elevator to his room and Jim stops him, saying that he "forgot his chick". Dave wants the chef to cook his "special" turkey, as he tells the manager over the phone in his room. Dave needs to eat this particular turkey- this one had Tofu!
The chef later said it looked like his turkey was abused. The turkey was a fighter, Dave nicknamed it "butch". Without carving it, Dave goes home- walking past the security guard with a carving knife- they wouldn't trust Dave. Dave got home and put the turkey on the table then ran around pouring gravy over the lanterns to make the house smell like turkey, and noticed that Jim Scoffield was coming over for dinner. Dave will have to tell the truth.
References
[edit]- ^ McLean, Stuart (October 31, 2006). Dave Cooks the Turkey. Viking. ISBN 0670064459.
- ^ https://wgntv.com/community-events/?_escaped_fragment_=/show/?ser=115%20Bourbon%20Street#!/details/chef-dave-cooks-thanksgiving-dinner-/8632038/2020-11-14T00
- ^ https://www.cbc.ca/news/entertainment/vinyl-cafe-cuts-lines-from-dave-cooks-the-turkey-in-response-to-animal-abuse-concerns-1.2876404
- ^ "The Vinyl Cafe". TV Tropes. Retrieved 2024-09-26.
- ^ "Story: Dave Cooks A Turkey — Stuart McLean". Last.fm. Retrieved 2024-09-26.