Talk:Munir Hussain (commentator)/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 15:21, 2 March 2014 (UTC)

Comments

• Image in infobox is far too pixelated. Suggest reducing it in size (if you have to use it at all), so the blocky compression artefacts are less obvious.

• Done. —Zia Khan 01:19, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• "a first-class cricket match for Kalat in 1969–70" that's a long match unless you mean it was in the 1969–70 season.

• Done. —Zia Khan 01:19, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• Linking cricket on the third mention seems a little odd to me.

• Done. —Zia Khan 01:19, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• Is "(cricketer)" the best disambiguation for him? It seems his notability stems from his work as a commentator...

• Done. —Zia Khan 01:19, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• Surprising that for a player who only played just one First-class match, he captained the team, any reason for that?

• Fixed. —Zia Khan 12:25, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• "in the nets" is cricket jargon.

• Done. —Zia Khan 01:19, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• "Until late 1960s," -> "the late 1960s".

• Done. —Zia Khan 01:19, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• "in the match 13 Test cricketers were playing" from where?

• Done. —Zia Khan 01:19, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• "Hussain's pioneering of Urdu commentary gave him distinction and fame" reads like a fan review, I would stick to the facts.

• Changed. —Zia Khan 01:19, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• "he travelled almost every major" travelled to almost...? And what's major here? Do you mean Test nations?

• Fixed. —Zia Khan 01:19, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• "remained the president of the KCCA " you didn't say beforehand that he had ever become president.

• Done. —Zia Khan 01:19, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• "Well-known cricket commentator, Chishti Mujahid, " Not sure you can claim him to be "well-known", he doesn't even have a Wikipedia article.

• Removed well-known. —Zia Khan 01:19, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• "a Pakistan's largest" grammar.

• Fixed. —Zia Khan 01:19, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• "Best Urdu Commentator of the Decade Award " from whom?

• Done. —Zia Khan 12:15, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• "PCB's" or "PBC's"?

• Its PCB, clarified. —Zia Khan 12:15, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• "a torturous journey through train, which is the history of his family." I don't understand this construct at all.

• Removed. —Zia Khan 01:19, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• "sufered" typo.

• Fixed. —Zia Khan 01:19, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• "his health conditions were good" -> "his health was good".

• Done. —Zia Khan 01:19, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• "was offered at Abu " we don't often "offer" funerals in English, perhaps this is a local dialect thing?

• Muslim funeral includes a kind pray so this is offered instead of being celebrated. —Zia Khan 01:19, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• " Miandad, in his message,"... his message? Previous sentence said he attended the funeral.

• Fixed. —Zia Khan 01:33, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

• Pakistan Times should be in italics.

• Don. —Zia Khan 01:19, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

A few issues to fix, nothing major, so I'll put the article on hold for a week. The Rambling Man (talk) 12:18, 3 March 2014 (UTC)

Done.......... —Zia Khan 01:24, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

Thank you, please ping me when you're done so I can re-review. The Rambling Man (talk) 09:32, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

Thanks for the review! I've addressed your concerns, please let me know if I'm missing something. Regards, —Zia Khan 12:19, 5 March 2014 (UTC)

I've made a few changes, but need a bit of time to re-review, there are several typos and grammar errors that I missed first time round. I suggest you run these articles through Word or something that checks for spelling/grammar before submitting them at GAN in future, could save a lot of time! I'll update you soon. The Rambling Man (talk) 15:51, 5 March 2014 (UTC)