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Talk:Emil Fischer (American football executive)/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 20:34, 4 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • "Emil Fischer was born on August 15, 1887 in Plymouth, Wisconsin[1] and moved to Green Bay, Wisconsin in 1908.[2]" commas after 1887, Wisconsin and Wisconsin.
  • "He got his start in" was this because someone let him get his start or could it be "He started in..."?
  • "travelling " in USEng, isn't that "traveling"?
  • "around the country trying to get large cheese companies to open up plants in the city" reads odd to me "the city" when one is travelling around the country...
  • "began establishing himself as a successful businessman in Green Bay in the 1920s" could just tighten that to "established himself"
  • " supporter of the team " this in a new section probably needs clarification, just " supporter of the Green Bay Packers" would be fine.
  • " in 1926[6] and to the executive committee in 1935.[4] " I don't think it would do any harm to move [6] to the end of the sentence, it's aesthetically jarring where it's currently placed.
  • Be consistent with relinking, e.g. you relink Green Bay Packers Inc., but not NFL.
  • " the Packers training facility " shouldn't that be " the Packers' training facility "?
  • " the Packers articles of incorporation" similarly.
  • " died on January 2, 1958 at" comma after 1958.

All trivial stuff really, so I'll put it on hold pending discussions. The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 09:50, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review The Rambling Man, all fixed or responded to. Hope you enjoyed The Ashes! « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 14:54, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I'll take one final pass later and let you know (or just tweak the sub-trivial things I find). The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 19:14, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Looks good, literally, so I'll promoted. Nice work. The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 09:34, 6 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks The Rambling Man, appreciate the review. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 16:15, 6 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
You're welcome. Happy to take any other requests, depending on my workload. The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 16:43, 6 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]