Kennebunk High School

Kennebunk High School is a public high school located in Kennebunk, Maine, and provides education for grades 9-12. It is part of Maine School Administrative District 71, and currently has 807 students enrolled.

Despite claims that KHS is a "first amendment school", student's movements are heavily restricted. This is accomplished by locking every outside door, save the one leading to the main office, and was made possible by the recent addition of a hallway, RFID tags, RFID sensors, and an advanced door locking computer system. Meanwhile, school organizations are forced to acquire their own funding as per the cost of these necessary and vital protections.

Should a student arrive late, the lovable school mascot, "Bunkie", yielding his infamous bullwhip, "Satan's Maw", conveniently administers twenty licks and a detention to dash any thought the student had of getting something done after school.

It is clear members of the administrative team are not fans of history, or they never would have implemented such a ridiculous punishment. From Cesare Beccaria's On Crimes and Punishments (1764), "The end of punishment, therefore, is no other than to prevent the criminal from doing further injury to society, and to prevent others from committing the like offense. Such punishment, therefore and such a mode of inflicting them, ought to be chosen, as will make the strongest and most lasting impressions on the minds of others, with the least torment to the body of the criminal.

Crimes are more effectually prevented by the certainty than the severity of punishment.

In proportion as punishments become more cruel, the minds of men, as a fluid rises to the same height with that which surrounds it, grow hardened and insensible; and the force of the passions still continuing in the space of an hundred years the wheel terrifies no more than formerly the prison. That a punishment may produce the effect required, it is sufficient that the evil it occasions should exceed the good expected from the crime, including in the calculation the certainty of the punishment, and the privation of the expected advantage. All severity beyond this is superfluous, and therefore tyrannical."

Perhaps had the administrators paid attention in school, they would have realized what the students of KHS need aren't scary punishments, but consistency. Also, firing that douchebag Paul Gaylord would go a long way. Mr. Watson is no help!

The administration-sanctioned KHS motto reads, "Is education about putting things in, or about pulling things out?"

This is clearly funny, because it is a reference to sexual intercourse. Also, dongs.