Wikipedia:Queen Elizabeth slipped majestically into the water

After Queen Elizabeth broke a bottle of champagne against the ship's gigantic bow she slipped majestically into the water.

This page is for accumulating amusing passages – real or hypothetical – made possible by referring to ships as she, and for general derision of that pretentious and stupid practice. (Ridicule of other forms of stylistic pretension is welcome as well.) It was inspired by this discussion at WT:MOS (and see also WT:Manual of Style/Archive (ships as "she") for more background).

During this period, she also served as the escort for Kaiser Wilhelm II aboard his yacht Hohenzollern.

• (hypothetical) After Queen Elizabeth broke a bottle of champagne against the ship's gigantic bow she slipped majestically into the water. [1]
• (from the Featured Article SMS Emden) During this period, she also served as the escort for Kaiser Wilhelm II aboard his yacht Hohenzollern. [2]

Fearing that he might lose the prize if the winds changed, Morris rammed her.

Archibald Dickson raised his flag in her.

She blew up the following morning.

She measured 75 ​20⁄94 tonnes burthen and was armed with 8 small guns.

She spent her entire career in the Channel.

• (from the article HMS Elk (1804)) Fearing that he might lose the prize if the winds changed, Morris rammed her. [3]
• (from the article HMS Monmouth (1796)) Archibald Dickson raised his flag in her. [4]
• (from the article HMS Indefatigable (1784)) She had a long career under several distinguished commanders. [5]
• (from The Appleton Weekly Post, 1907) Lusitania does not appear to be so lusty as the Mauretania ... If Lussie doesn't hump herself and do it first she won't be in it with her big sister.

She had a long career under several distinguished commanders.

She ran onshore off of the east end of Puerto Rico.

Lusitania does not appear to be so lusty as the Mauretania. If Lussie doesn't hump herself and do it first she won't be in it with her big sister.

Acasta's boats got her off. (This image is euphemistically listed under Category:People at the beach in art.)

See also

• Wikipedia:The problem with elegant variation
• "Ships—sexist or sexy?", The Signpost, 2014-10-15.

Into the woulds

Wouldy Wouldpecker

Editors are invited to contribute examples of the also-stupid-and-pretentious practice of narrating pedestrian events using "would" – see [6].

• "Mel Blanc was the original voice of Bugs and would voice voiced the character for nearly five decades." [7]
• "Although he did not receive a classical schooling in the Harvard Graduate School, Morgan would was immediately after his graduation be appointed to the teaching staff. ... Morgan fell seriously ill on March 15, 1910 while on a trip to New York to visit Daniel B. Fearing, the mayor of Newport, Rhode Island, and would die died soon after." [8]
• "Gowdy would later be awarded received the Postal Inspector's Award for the successful prosecution of J. Mark Allen, one of 'America's Most Wanted' suspects." [9]
• "In 1973 he relocated to Waynesville, North Carolina, where he would die died of cancer." [10]
• "But Harrison would also later tell told him, 'You've got a lovely karma, Vic.' ... Spinetti would make made a small appearance in the promotional video for McCartney's song 'London Town' from the 1978 album of the same name. Spinetti's July 2010 performance of the song 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da', at the Festival Theatre, Malvern in Worcestershire, would later be made was available on 'The Beatles Complete on Ukulele' podcast. ... Spinetti's film career developed simultaneously; his dozens of film appearances would include included Zeffirelli's The Taming of the Shrew, Under Milk Wood, The Return of the Pink Panther and Under the Cherry Moon." [11][12]

We need two or three justified uses. Here's one by Guess Who -- comment invited:

• 'The commission weighed heavily on French even as the figure neared completion. "I am sometimes scared by the importance of this work. It is a subject that one might not have in a lifetime," wrote the sculptor‍—‌who thirty years later would create the statue of Abraham Lincoln for the Lincoln Memorial‍—‌"and a failure would be inexcusable. As a general thing, my model looks pretty well to me, but there are dark days."' [13]

A closely related construction is Albino Luciani (later to become Pope John Paul I).